Family Affairs

Today I am thinking that maybe “Peace” per se is a little bit over-rated and boring.  Is it any wonder that I don’t get very far along the emotional journey/road without back-tracking, taking diversions, getting completely bloody lost, when I fluctuate dramatically from one day to the next with my ridiculous thoughts.

Last night, two girlfriends were being incredibly sympathetic and supportive.  They both agreed that of course I was feeling rubbish about my ex remarrying et al, but when they suggested that now was the time to have a breakdown and stay in bed for a week I began to rethink.  Especially when they looked horrified at the thought that I might start said breakdown immediately….”can you not start now please?” they both said.  ”You can start tomorrow when we’re both at work and we can send supportive text messages, saying how sorry we are and how much we’d love to help but we’re busy, but we can’t be arsed to have to deal with you right now all emotional when we’re trying to drink wine and have a laugh and talk about other things”…..Frankly, at the moment I simply don’t have time to have a breakdown or see a counsellor or cry or even sit about feeling peaceful.  I’VE GOT TOO MUCH TO DO.

Therefore instead of looking for peace,  I have decided that it would be much more fun to plan a counter-attack on my ex’s Christmas Eve party.  I am going to get Builder Bloke to dress up as Father Christmas and I am going to borrow an elf costume (such a shame my Aussie cousin has gone back home – when she was living in London she used to be one of Santa’s little elves in Harrods every year about this time and would have gladly brought a whole little team of elves to the party).  We are going to sing carols outside his house.  I have a few people who’d like to join us.  I was wondering whether anybody else wants to come with me?  My friend said she’ll organise a flash mob via text an hour before and has suggested mentioning to a homeless charity that there will be food available.  I am slightly worried that this might come across as psycho ex-wife behaviour – what do you think?

In addition, my mother rang just before I left to teach my final class before the holidays and told me that she had the answer to all my problems.  ”You need  a “Bob”, she said. When asked to explain further she told me that it stood for “Battery Operated Boyfriend”.   I didn’t like to ask her whether a “Bob” was therefore a euphemism for a vibrator – but possibly that is me being somewhat shallow regarding what else boyfriends are meant to do in life.