What I think I said was: pay your (v.silly) counsellor no heed!! … men (and women) have affairs for a myriad of reasons but 'not liking' their partner is hardly ever one of them.

Re. friendship after divorce – Hmmmmmm.Without sounding like a complete cynic(and a manipulative, conniving bitch)- I believe in the philosphy of Chinese general and military strategist Sun Tzu (400BC or thereabouts) who was the first person to say: 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.' Not that my Ex (or yours) is The Enemy, per se… but… well, you know what I mean?

Don't aspire to friendship (too much room for disappointment) but rather an amicable working relationship that works for YOU. xx

I do tend also, and this may shock many, that I agree with the Jerry hall's Mothers …

that in the main, ….to keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. ….or as a friend? once told me a blow job a day keeps the mistress away!…

poor Jerry…it obviously didnt work for her!! She must have taken her finger of the er … pulse!!

I do feel that you are flogging a dead horse in trying to be friends with your ex…he made his choices…so screw him..or not obviously!

saz x

incorrectly posted comment earlier under the different jewellery co…I was signed into a friends blog that I am creating for her!!sorry.

The more I have thought about our relationship, the more I have realised we should have only been just friends in the first place, which initially is what I had intended.

Oh hum…….

As a second wife, and stepmom, I can say that all of us adults being civil, and as friendly as possible really has meant a lot to the kids. At times it's been quite hard, and actually it's been a lot easier for me to be friends and communicate well with the kids' real mom, rather than my husband. 14 years of being part of this kind of family, and I'm still not sure what the 'right' thing is to do!

nb. the ex-wife has never had to come and get her money from us for the kids, or ever ask for it!! Bank transfers are wonderful things.

Stay civil for the children, love & live your own life. Then if, in the future you do become friends again, on a level playing field and without the games he's playing, great. And if not – it really doesn't matter!

I think that she's wrong in stating that he had an affair because he didn't like you. That reduces human behaviour to such simple dimensions. Perhaps he had the affair because he was missing something in your relationship that he thought he could get elsewhere and didn't see the need / point to try to work at it in his marriage. That still didn't mean that he didn't like you. Clearly, when an affair becomes known and you go through a divorce, it's quite hard to like each other through that process.

I was desperately angry that my husband who had not contributed a brass farthing to the upkeep of the home for over 4 years was entitled to claim 50% of our joint assets in the divorce. I had used part of my inheritance to pay off debts that he had incurred and he still expected me to give him an additional sum in recognition of his lower earning potential (ha! bolleaux). Even writing about it puts up my blood pressure. But … we still had two children and we both loved them. And recognised that the other loved them as well. That was the starting point to building a friendship. I swallowed the bile and invited him to spend Christmas day with us just after the divorce. It was ok. He's spent every Christmas with us ever since. Last year, his father died and his family contacted me to break the news etc. When I was ill, he volunteered to shop and gave me dinner.
To be honest, I couldn't imagine us even speaking civilly before the divorce. Now we regard each other as friends. I now don't have to take any notice of his moaning and when I find myself being annoyed by him, I take a deep breath and remind myself that it's no longer my problem.

So, in answer to your question, yes, it is possible to be friends. If you don't have children, then it may make it easy to break the ties completely. But you will always be parents to your children and they didn't ask to be in the middle of any of this. I think that you can try to build an amicable relationship once you've sorted out the cheque, interaction with BB and BBs-ex and so on. Then you've got a baseline but you won't get past that baseline while there are still these things to sort out.

Mad x