Family Affairs

WISH ME LUCK

My ex husband has asked me to meet him “to talk about the children”.

The meeting is tonight.

I am shitting myself.

I really hope it’s not as bad as I think it might be and that we can find a way through all the mess without talking about his new wife or Builder Bloke or finances or new schools…..

I am going to try and be reasonable and open. To try not to get into any arguments and to hope that we can be grown up enough to discuss our children without anger or blame.

We are parents of three gorgeous children who ultimately only want the best for them. Lets hope this shines through.

My friend told me that I need to say “WE” a lot and possibly mention “in the best interests of the children” if required.

Wish me luck x

BATTLE SCARS

I’d like to say that the house is eerily quiet again (kids back to their dad’s for the weekend) and that I can hear my own breathing, but in fact it’s drowned out by Builder Bloke’s snoring. If you are lucky enough to have a non snorey boyfriend then that can be one advantage [...]

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DIVORCE NIGHTMARE

I think the kids enjoyed their week with their father and Wife No. 2. Good to have them back though and we are now with my parents….I really can’t bear to see my father looking so ill – when I think back to this time last year when we were together in Africa it [...]

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LOVE AND RESPECT

All I want is a little peace and quiet. I don’t think that is too much to ask for. I have other concerns to worry about. I don’t need this. My father for example. Back in hospital again after an aggressive round of radiotherapy for yet more operations. Not [...]

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BLOOD PRESSURE RISING

Builder Bloke has just called me. He wanted to have his children on Thursday or Friday night but his ex wife has said no. During their conversation she told him that she and my ex husband have made the decision that if BB doesn’t pay her child maintenance on time my ex is [...]

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THE HONEYMOON IS OVER

We have had the most lovely two weeks whilst my ex husband and BB’s ex wife were away on their honeymoon, with all our merged children getting on famously. Portugal was a huge success and last week BB’s children were around some evenings. We went to the cinema, had BBQ’s, all got on [...]

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WHY DO MEN CHEAT?

I would SO love to know the answer to that question – it has tortured me for years, although I’m quite sure there is no simple theory.

According to Peadar De Burca the answer is simple -”it’s because they can”.

Because. They. Can.

He’s got a point. I know men who shag about “because they can”. They love their wives (they say, but I’m afraid I would dispute that), but seem to need the added thrill or challenge or something – or maybe it’s literally because they know they can get away with it – like being given free reign in a sweet shop.

De Burca thinks women let men get away with having affairs because they are too scared and too vulnerable to believe they can cope outside the marriage on their own; “sadly, my conclusion has been that, all too often women simply won’t challenge their cheating men”, “or their self-esteem has been so battered by their husband’s behaviour that these talented, attractive and intelligent women convince themselves that they have too much to lose if they walk away or show him the door”.

I can relate to that. I lost all confidence. Was convinced I would never survive on my own, let alone make another life for myself. Stepping off the traditional path into the unknown and losing all the familiar comforts of life is unbelievably hard. Many decide not to do it and I don’t blame them for that.

I desperately needed to know why and over time many theories were formulated, but I’m not sure if they were just excuses for his behaviour. I don’t actually think he really knew himself what he was doing at the time. When you’re involved with somebody else, everything around you naturally changes – you create your bubble by deliberately worsening your relationship in order to invigorate and justify the affair. Everything I said and did was wrong. It spiralled downward pretty fast then.

Anyway, any thoughts on the matter gratefully received….

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