Family Affairs

THANK YOU TO ROCOCO CHOCOLATES

I took my friend who is in between chemotherapy treatments up to town the day before yesterday to collect her Valentine’s prize from the Rococo shop. She was feeling well and happy and we had a really lovely day.

Here is the blog post she wrote on it:-

I had a lovely day yesterday. I did my stretch class which made me feel, well, stretched. Afterwards my friend (who happens to be the my stretch teacher too) drove us into town for some fun. We visited Anna Valentine at her studio. It is located in one of those really pretty Mews streets that are tucked away in London, just off Marlybone Lane. The building is beautiful. White wash walls, stone floors and open fireplaces. And her collection of beautiful clothes amazing. Having seen them at the fashion show a couple of weeks ago, it was great to see the detailing and fabrics up close. I got all dreamy about owning one. And I will keep dreaming about it because chances of me having the floaty nude coloured dress I was eying up are pretty darn minimal.

We then visited Rococo Chocolates to collect my winning box of chocolates. Rococo chocolate is delicious and the packaging lovely. I need to take a picture quickly to post as the chocolates themselves seem to be evaporating. I have no idea where they are going…

We then had a lovely lunch with maybe just a few bubbles… and a mooch along Marlybone High Street into the VERY nice shops. I may have purchased a couple of things while I was there. I love this bit of London. It is so close to the chaos of Oxford Street yet such a completely different feel. If you haven’t discovered it yet the you should.

Although I was tired when I got home and went to bed very early last night, it was great to be out. I am living most of my life at the moment either within this home, or the few surrounding streets in the local community. It was great to just be out. To look at lovely things. To laugh. And live.

CHILDREN AND EXERCISE

My two older children do so much exercise it’s ridiculous. Especially my teenage son. He’s in the first team for rugby and football and cricket at school and plays football for his local team as well. I can’t remember the last time he didn’t have a game of something or other on [...]

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COPING WITH CANCER

Yesterday I taught a two hour workshop on deep stretching and strengthening, concentrating on the neck and shoulders. I was brilliantly assisted by my lovely friend who is bravely coping with cancer. She was feeling well yesterday after her second round of chemotherapy. We drove in her car and managed to park outside with all our equipment because she has a disabled badge. We got some funny stares moving everything in because thankfully yesterday, she did not look like she needed or indeed deserved a disabled parking sticker. She told me she had been confronted by people before, chasing her up the road in the entirely wrong assumption that she was abusing the badge. Once she said to an irate woman “OK, I tell you what, you have my cancer and I will gladly give up my disabled parking place”.

She is worried about her hair falling out. When we went to the Maggie’s event, she got talking to Janet Ellis who hosted the event. Janet told her to that she had a fantastic hairdresser that cuts wigs and that she would arrange for him to cut hers. She has since been in touch with my friend. It turns out the hairdresser she mentioned is only Mr Trevor Sorbie himself! My friend has now decided that even if she doesn’t want to wear a wig she’s going to have to go and get it styled by him anyway. Just for the experience.

She’s been writing about how she’s been coping with chemotherapy in her blog. You should take a look. It’s very moving.

Here are some of her recent words:-

Thursday: First to enter chemo ward at 8.45 am. Last to leave at about 7pm. Only advantage is I have eyed up my favourite position (in the corner with the shelf) so getting there early means I get a choice of seats. Lucky old me hey? We get straight on with it. 1o hours later I am full of toxic chemicals, steroids, tonnes of fluid, anti sickness and I think I managed half an egg sandwich too.

Last night after much sobbing, I went for a walk. Around the dining room table. Yes the dining room table. It was quite an achievement.

I couldn’t quite make it back to the sofa so ended up on the floor near the sofa on the grimbles carpet. Jonny reached out to me to help.

I wailed “you need to take me to the seaside.” And again, “the seaside!”

Bless he said he would. Just not last night.

Simple dreams hey. So far we have the field and the seaside. Although sunshine is needed for both.

So. After a week at home in grimbles land, I have made it out of the house.

And it was SO nice. Coffee (ahem well sparkling water) with friend this morning, followed by being driven to Marble Hill Park and the very pretty coffee shop where I managed to share both a main and a cake – like real proper food and everything. Look at me everyone.

My friend asked me what kind of things I like to do. I said “things like this.” Share life. Share living. Share cake.

Yes there were tears today. But I felt better for letting them out.

I really need to invest in some better blusher though. Seriously I put a lot of that stuff on this morning and apparently I still look really pale and washed out. Need to consult my make up expert.

One of my experiences of the past few days has been letting local hospice care help me at home. This has been hard. Emotionally. It’s that word. Hospice. Is that where I am? Is that what I need? How can this be?

It turns out that this is Ann’s job though. To visit people like me who are dealing with side effects and symptoms at home. And she was really helpful. She just got it on many levels.

I had been putting a lot on myself about how badly I have been coping recently. Whilst the reasons were not what I wanted to hear, to have someone who knows there stuff tell you it is not you, it is your body and everything you are going through, gave me some acceptance that it is not just me. I’m really sick. And that isn’t my fault. So we are pleased and so grateful for this help. Even if it is a hard one to accept.

She left some leaflets on the coffee table. Some of which were hard to read even the title of. She also mentioned the day hospice. I am sure for some who are isolated and alone these are a real life line. But for me, right now, I’m not sure. You see I have tried various cancer support places before and it turns out I don’t really fit in there either. Why not? Well one reason is my age. Believe it or not I can find myself in a situation were the staff and other visitors all treat me like some sort of “weird special case” because I have this dreadful disease at such a young age. So I end up feeling like I don’t fit in the one place where in theory I should. But I don’t think it is just my age. I know of others in my situation who that kind of thing is not for them. That’s not to say that this support is wonderful for many. And maybe I will change. But right now – it is not a place I feel I belong.

For me this disease takes over enough. And I long to be free of it. And when I feel well enough (which is not that frequently right now) I want to see those friends and family I trust. Who I know just see me and not the cancer.

I believe most of us yearn to belong, wherever we are in life. For me, heartbreakingly, doors have been closed. But that is not to say I don’t belong anywhere. There are special people and places and moments where I totally do. Not defined by illness or labels or what I look like or whatever. A level beyond any of those temporary things that seek to destroy my human spirit.

Where I do belong.

Yesterday I started eating properly again. I had a very frustrating mid week experience where I wanted to eat more than just toast but my stomach was really struggling to take it in. Last night someone made us fish pie. It hit the spot.

Whilst I have been FED UP, the other member of our household has been very WELL FED all week. We have been so touched by the kindness of the church community who are reaching out with love at this time. For over a week we had Jonny’s evening meals delivered for him and this has been a huge help. There have been pangs of guilt. You may have got by now I struggle with accepting help. But goodness. The boy has eaten well.

Obviously this illness doesn’t just affect me. On our wedding day we had a phrase from dove poem which read “two parts of a loving whole, two hearts and a single soul.” And whilst I am camped out in chemo land at home, the other part of us is working 12 hour days, coming home to try and look after me, as well as dealing with his own emotional fears I know. So having a good proper meal sorted has REALLY helped.

So we say thank you. Thank you. And thank you again.

Tonight we will be eating in Pizza Express. And that feels like a massive treat of a different kind too.

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DIARY OF A LONDON MARATHON RUNNER: 7 WEEKS AND COUNTING

Here is the second installment of my guest blogger friend who is running the marathon. I don’t think she realises how far she has come already. The training programme makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever:-

I hope I’m not turning into a seriously boring running freak although I do seem to talk about it a lot now (to everyone). The check out girls in supermarket glaze over when I go to pay as I casually mention for the hundredth time that all the healthy food and vitamin drinks are in the trolley because I AM RUNNING A MARATHON AND IT’S BLOODY UNBELIEVABLE!! I do keep forgetting it’s not really that interesting for anybody else… so please forgive me if I bore you rigid too. It’s all L’s fault anyway for asking me to write about it!

The marathon was an accident really. Didn’t ever think in a million years it was something I would do/could do but I got a bit over-excited watching a friend do it last year and promptly put my name in the ballot not thinking I would ever get a free place as a first time entrant. Unbelievably I did get a place but unfortunately none of my friends did – so I am training on my own which isn’t ideal but in some ways good as I can go at my own pace which is important.

The first thing I had to do on New Year’s Eve (like everybody else) was to give up drinking which considering I have been drinking like a fish since my late teens wasn’t as hard as I thought. I had given up a few times last year as part of a detox anyway so I knew I could do it – it’s just a question of breaking the habit of opening that bottle of wine as soon as you put the children to bed.

So gave up alcohol, tried to eat healthily and started to run a lot. Not that far at first but the most important thing is just to get your body used to running and running frequently. Apparently the most common problem with most marathon runners is just running too far too soon.

The training plan I have consists of a number of phases where each phase comprises of a four week programme. The workload in the first three weeks of the four week programme increases every week (easy, medium and hard) and the fourth week comprises of active recovery.

The training programme identifies three running paces: M+5%, M and M-5% which is basically marathon pace (M) and less or more.

I was quite happy taking it easy at first with little 3 mile and 5 mile runs. My first week comprised of:

Monday – 3 mile @ M-5%
Tuesday – rest day
Wednesday – circuit training in park
Thursday – 40 minute fartlek*
Friday – 3 miles @ M-5%
Saturday – rest
Sunday – 6 miles @M+5%

• fartlek – taken from the Swedish words for “speed play.” The workout consists of easy running with the addition of hills or short fast bursts ..
This phase increased gradually till the third week I was running a maximum of 8 miles on the Sunday.

Seven weeks on and I am now doing this a week:

Monday – 5 miles @ M-5%
Tuesday – rest day
Wednesday – circuit training in park
Thursday – 60 minute fartlek
Friday – 8 miles @ M-5%
Saturday – rest
Sunday – 15 miles @M+5%

So after phase 1 and 2 I am now on phase 3 and have had to up my game and am now running about 40 miles a week. The furthest I have done so far was 15 miles last Sunday in the pouring rain – not fun at all. According to my trainer a bit of toast before I set off was not nearly enough. I was meant to have a huge bowl of porridge and then loads of those revolting health gels on the way round. Now got to buy a belt that makes me look like something out of a Wild West film to store them all.

It also suddenly hit home that I am not a born athlete and I can feel aches and pains all over – which slightly worries me. My trainer says just sit in an ice bath for 15 minutes. What on earth is he talking about? I can’t even bear to dip my toe in cold water for a nano second let alone sit in an iced bath and go completely blue! I know he’s right of course. – “No pain, no gain” blah blah but like I said I am not an athlete and it certainly doesn’t seem like normal behaviour.

It is now 53 days and counting.

Oh God.

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DIARY OF A MARATHON RUNNER

Having asked my lovely friend to write about her experience and her training regime over the next eight weeks or so leading up to the marathon, here are her first thoughts on the matter:-

Marathon training

I should start by explaining who I am and how extraordinary it is that I am even thinking about writing a blog on marathon training let alone actually running one.

I am a 40 year old mother of 4 girls who are 13, 12, 10 and 2 and I have spent my entire lifetime avoiding any serious physical exercise and by just doing the bare minimum to get by without being 25 stone. The closest I got to exercise was regularly drinking copious amounts of wine and dancing in a ridiculously embarrassing manner with my friends.

Anyway that’s all changed. After having my youngest daughter and really not looking that great in a bikini having had 4 caesareans I realised I really should do something about it. So a friend suggested I join her and some other friends in the park one morning with her new trainer. The trainer being an ex-para who now made a living making middle-aged suburban housewives lie down in the mud in all weathers doing press ups, squats and burpies combined with huge amounts of running and sprinting.

My first session didn’t go that well as I was wearing a grey cashmere jumper and yoga pants with 4 silver “Tiffany”bracelets up my arm. It’s not easy doing the “seal” crawl on the soaking wet muddy ground in December without getting your afore-mentioned jumper seriously muddy and then clogging up your bracelets with mud too. When I mentioned this to the ex-para he wasn’t exactly sympathetic. I also told him I hadn’t run since I had been at school and then I had been quite smart at avoiding doing it during PE too. He told me I would change. I didn’t believe him.

So that was a just over a year ago. I have been training with him 2/3 times a week since then. I have lost a stone and a half and I am running the London Marathon in April.

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DIARY OF A LONDON MARATHON RUNNER 2010

I’ve asked my lovely friend to write about her experience and her training regime over the next eight weeks or so leading up to the marathon, but know that if I don’t make it impossible for her to avoid….she’ll avoid it. She’s agreed to write at least a weekly update and so I’m starting it off, so that she’s well and truly committed.

She is horrified that she’s got a place and frankly terrified. She is having regular nightmare’s about coming last, dragging herself over the last few miles whilst being overtaken by the hippo, the dinosaur, the 95 year old man in no shoes….

It is apparently unheard of to get a place from the ballot on your first attempt at entry, but of course she did. She has hired a personal trainer to help her with the overall plan and is already coping with 15 mile runs. She is doing amazingly well already and we’re all immensely proud of her for doing it. She and I stood on the sidelines of the marathon last year with all our children (including my daughter shouting “come on Flora” to everybody that passed until I managed to correct her – well she does have a friend called Flora, so presumably she thought it was perfectly reasonable that only people called Flora entered the marathon that year). We were cheering on another lovely friend and we got hopelessly caught up in the excitement and drama and sheer emotion of the day. I luckily got over it by the time I got home, she stupidly took it one step too far.

Anyway, hopefully when she writes it down, we’ll get to learn a little then about what you should be doing during which week and what you should be eating before you run and what you should be taking with you on the run and what barriers she’s up against and how she’s feeling and who she wants to kill and so on…..

Over to her then. Very soon. Hopefully.

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BACK PAIN

There is no doubt that once you have pain in your back, it can be all consuming and very difficult to alleviate. In my mother’s case it was due to an unsuccessful operation which caused a piece of metal to trap her nerve. In my case, according to my consultant there is nothing [...]

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