Family Affairs and other matters

GAP YEAR & UNI: HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD MAKE THE BEST USE OF THEIR HOLIDAY

ENDLESS WORRIES as a parent if your child wants to go on a Gap Year. I’ve spent all year cutting out horror stories from the newspaper about travelling abroad – the three students killed on a coach in Thailand last year, the bungy rope breaks in NZ, the muggings, drugs, sleeping with women who turn out to men. You name it, I’ve mentioned it.

But guess what? IT HASN’T HELPED. He’s going anyway. Which is brilliant. Obviously. I did it – not a gap year, I wasn’t allowed, but travelled to China, Thailand, the Far East in general with friends. Nothing better.

He’s booked his ticket. How exciting. I haven’t succeeded in getting him to do anything particularly worthy. I kept suggesting projects and he mostly looked at me with horror. I showed him lots of advise about how helpful it is for his CV if he does things. I have even been sent some very informative notes by Amy Gray and Claire Brooke from the University of Sheffield’s Career Service who offer some top tips as to how your child can make the most out of their gap year and university holidays, and give their CV a real boost!

Very useful and I thought I’d share them with you because they will no doubt help someone else – mostly the advice is relevant to their time during uni but the advice still applies to before:-

“Don’t let them waste this time – although the temptation will be there to spend 3 months on ‘vacation’, encourage them to use it to develop, enhance and improve the content of their CV

Help to set up some work shadowing for them – this will give your child greater awareness of potential careers that interest them. Options are to go down the formal route, such as an “insight scheme” or by asking around to see if they can shadow one of your friends if it’s of interest

Encourage them to research internships and placements – the majority of placements take place in the second year of study but it’s a good idea to get ahead of the game as they are increasingly competitive

Volunteering is always a highly effective use of their time – it doesn’t have to relate to their degree or future career but it helps to develop transferable skills such as time management skills, communication and team work

Encourage them to go along to an insight day or week – large companies (especially in the finance and law sectors) offer these typically during the Easter and summer vacation periods. As you would expect, they will offer your child insight into working life for a particular sector or company and will help them to meet with key individuals

Once at uni a summer internship is highly recommended:
They are usually structured, project based work experience placements within larger firms, however increasingly smaller businesses are realising their potential
Often open to students from any degree discipline although they are highly competitive, and the application process, although challenging, is fantastic experience for later life
They tend to be offered to students between their penultimate and final year, and are used by employers to get to know students who they will consider for graduate jobs
They are seen as a vital stepping stone for many within this crowded market!

KEEP CALM AND BLOG

Aaaaaagh. What a week. SO busy. No time. Mother back. Requiring attention. My son has found me the perfect “Keep Calm” poster.

Teenage son got a black eye and busy revising.

Daughter majorly stressed and doing mock GCSE’s.

Youngest son. Busy. Social life picking up.

Kitten. A nightmare. Climbing up everyone’s legs and perching on shoulder. Lovely but hard work.

Work. Challenging. I’m doing a new course.

Life.

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GAP YEAR -”DON’T WORRY MUM, IT’LL BE FINE….”

Trying to get a teenage boy to commit to a plan is not only deeply frustrating it is virtually impossible. It’s like playing the blink game in which you challenge your opponent to blink before you do – mostly it’s impossible to play with a teenager because they’re asleep or too chilled to even tell whether anything is going on behind those eyes and even if they are focused on you for a minute they’re too distracted to ever lose. I don’t think they don’t do it on purpose though – they live their own personal lives like that – all last minute meet ups and change of venues – even birthday plans between mates seem to materialise about an hour before the event. That’s how a lot of them function I guess – or at least I hope it’s not just my son who behaves like that.

I don’t know why I am remotely surprised then that his plans to travel round half the world next month are not exactly coming together. I mean I’m certainly not going to get an itinerary, let alone an address. At least he’s busy earning the money to support his adventure – working in a pub and coaching football at his old school which is great, but I don’t see any signs of digging wells or teaching English or even shearing sheep looking very likely at this late stage. Just a lot of him randomly mentioning another country – “maybe we’ll go to Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia and then back to Malaysia but I’m meeting some mates in Chiang Mai and then we’ll….” honestly it’s like they’re getting on a bus to go to central London – how will they meet their mates? Where will they stay? The main default setting for the group appears to be about making sure they are in the right place at the right time for The “Full Moon Party” in Thailand (and I suspect that it’s title is more to do with exposing ones buttocks to everyone rather than the natural satellite of the earth).

He’s meant to be off to Australia next month and there are a few friends of mine that I’m sure he can stay with (for a few nights) but I can’t get him to email anybody in advance to find out what dates would be appropriate to visit or indeed if they are even going to be in the country. My suggestion that it would be a teeny bit rude to just appear on the other side of the world is falling on deaf ears. “Don’t worry mum, it’ll be fine….” is not very reassuring – last time I heard that he ended up in a Polish prison. I guess, (as it was with the two Aussie teenagers that recently stayed with me) it will be ultimately down to the parents to do the organising.

Anyway, he’s got retakes coming up very soon now so it’s better if he’s not too focused on the next far more exciting stage of his year. I note that instead of past papers and revision timetables being looked at on Google there are the beginnings of some mobilisation to the cause. The thing is that secretly these teenagers are clever and know that if they leave it long enough somebody else might do the work for them. They are entirely capable in every way when they want to be. Here are the first stirrings of his Gap Year planning taken from my Google history:-

Claiming back your tax when on a gap year
Applying for an Australia visa from the UK (god, watch out Aussie friends – leave the country before it’s too late)
STA travel
Cheap flights from Australia to Asia
Convert Australian dollars to GB
Quantas airlines
Cheap beers in Asia (I made that one up but I’m surprised it’s not there).

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THE POWER OF WORDS

Whilst it’s always good to talk, writing our thoughts down can be extremely powerful too and can help the mind process traumatic events or major life changes in a positive way. Not only has “writing to heal” been found to improve health and general wellbeing but a report in the paper this weekend said that a group of psychologists have found that blogs are beginning to replace teenage diaries as a choice of outlet after researchers found that writing an online public blog improves children’s self-esteem more than keeping a private journal.

Blogging, they say, helps boost a teenagers confidence and can help them relate better to friends. Opening the blog to comments had an even stronger impact because the writers often got support and advice.

This doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. I too found that writing a blog not only helped me order my thoughts and find a way of structuring my life in what was a very deep black hole but the support I got from other readers and bloggers and friends who would call after reading was invaluable. It was my form of counselling when all my friends had got a little bit bored of listening to me. I found the fact that there were other people out there willing to listen and advise and it was massively reassuring. It was also important to feel useful by being able to give my advice and support to others going through a difficult period for whatever reason.

Now things have changed again – I can’t write as openly as I’d like at the moment because my ex husband and his new wife read it and it is just exactly that same feeling as when you think your parents or your siblings are reading your diary. This is where the divide between an online diary and a private journal become very different. One is quite simply a lot more private than the other – but I am the one who has put myself in this position so I’ve got to work it out. Should I continue to be honest and upfront and face the consequences or go back to a private journal? I wonder, in years to come whether research will show that those teenagers will regret putting certain issues and truths up on their blog for all to see or whether they will continue to feel that honesty and openness is the way forward in our brave new Facebooky world.

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LAST DAY OF THE HOLIDAYS

I am trying very hard to enjoy having my children around for ONE LAST DAY. Although we are having a boring sorty out day. It is all change tomorrow when we have to get up super early for school tomorrow and get out in a hurry with all the relevant kit. That is not good. But then again, I am quite looking forward to normality resuming somewhat. Today has been a mad flurry of homework activity, interspersed with my daughter gagging in the garden whilst having to clean out a flower pot that her friend vomited in the night before, several vain attempts to remove my son’s ear piercing which seems well and truly stuck, dealing with a kitten with the shits, sorting out school uniform for tomorrow and consequently HUUUGE piles of washing and trying to deal with my ever increasing pile of admin and outstanding bills. I even added everyone’s birthday into my new diary (yes, I still have a paper diary) – when I was a proper married grown up many years ago I started a Birthday Book. I religiously wrote down everyone’s birthday and all their relevant offspring’s birthdays too. It was a little depressing going through it today. Lots of dead people. Lots of people I don’t see anymore owing to them being on my ex-husband’s side of the family. Lots of people I have never heard of (worryingly).

I have been cleaning and sorting mostly today. I haven’t got very far yet. Hardly made a dent. My house has been in utter chaos for two weeks. Many people staying, Xmas, my son’s birthday, New Year, a new kitten, TONS of teenagers hanging out all the time – all the usual stuff, but it has amounted to my house looking like this:-

The stairs:-

My washing pile (and that is just the white wash!!). Thinking I might just burn all the clothes and make them wear wash down plastic sheeting at all times instead:-

My teenage son’s room which I haven’t ventured into all holiday until today. HOW REVOLTING. Will have to spend the next two days searching for the floor and possibly several sleeping teenagers:-

Here is our recycling bag with added kitten (no longer allowed to leave the building – we’ve all become a little too attached and almost even agreed on a name):-

Here he is “helping” me take the Xmas tree down today. First time he’s dared climbed up that far and then he inevitably got stuck:-

Here he is exhausted from all that exertion. Is this the most laid back cat ever? Look at his little feet! (but not at what appears to be my Christmas stomach – I don’t remember stuffing a cushion under my jumper prior to the photo, but I might have:-

Peace and quiet tomorrow….

I bet I hate it.

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TOP TIPS FOR PLANNING YOUR DISNEY HOLIDAY

If you are thinking about a Disney holiday then there is some information on a the following link: http://mydisneyworldplanner.co.uk/ There you will find some videos to help you plan your trip to Disney World, Where to Stay, Disney Dining Plan, What to do and Disney Cruise Line. There are lots of top tips for planning [...]

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DIVORCE AND CHRISTMAS

Normally I like to consider myself a feminist. Somebody who is quite capable of doing most things by myself. I try and engender that sentiment into my children at all times and presumably something must be going in. I live with my three children on my own for goodness sake. They know what goes on. I’m not massively good at the tidying up thing or the homework thing. If I had to spend too long doing their homework there wouldn’t be time for anything else. Oh, and I’m pretty crap at the cooking too. I recently discovered that my daughter had sent Builder Bloke a text some time ago saying “please come back, the food is shit!”.

In many ways, life really isn’t too bad without a man. There is no arguing – apart from directly with the children. There is mostly a lot of laughter. My children have had to grow up quickly in lots of ways. They are pretty mature on the whole and very good company. I am definitely closer to them because of my divorce – I guess that’s inevitable when there isn’t a partner you feel you should stand by during an issue with the children.

Anyway, Christmas turned me into a little bit of a sexist I hate to admit and it made me feel a little grumpy here and there. There was no division of girly/blokey labour to be had. It started with the refusing to go and chop myself down a big old tree, carry it home, hack it about and hurl it into a stand and then decorate it. This year I simply put my foot down and went for the black Emo tree (as my kids described it) which my children turned their nose up on every passing I’m afraid to say. My daughter has subsequently provided me with a list of people who have told her they don’t like it. BUT I DON’T CARE. It was easy and I can bring it out next year and have the same argument all over again.

Then the next issue was simply cooking the Christmas meal on my own with no one to carve the turkey or the ham or make the gravy or do the washing up. Or get pissed and fall asleep on the sofa. Or drive us to different venues to see friends later in the day. Or buy all the booze. Or talk to my mother after too many whiskeys. Or wrap all the presents or (most importantly) buy me a present. I had to do it all on my own.

I DON’T WANT TO DO IT ALL ON MY OWN.

Is your Christmas divided along male/female lines or am I being ridiculous here?

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