Family Affairs and other matters

THINGS TO DO IN LONDON WITH CHILDREN FOR HALF TERM

AAAAGH. It’s nearly over before I’ve got my head around the whole thing. Westfield’s in Shepherds Bush and lots of films seem to be what my children want to do endlessly (although my daughter is desperate to go to the new Westfields in Stratford).

What else are you all doing in London? It’s over £100 for a family to go to the zoo now. Probably not far off that for the aquarium. We’ve done the London Eye. Ridiculously expensive. Free museums? Natural History Museum is always a hit. Science Museum too. Exhibitions? My kids aren’t very good at those. Any spectacular ones on?

I need a plan.

Lovely ideas here on West London Mum’s site :- http://www.westlondonmum.co.uk/the-wlm-weekend-guide-february-18-19/

GAP YEAR TRAVEL INFORMATION

A friend has just sent me the link to an excellent website from the Foreign & Commonwealth Office for anyone either travelling or living abroad:-http://www.fco.gov.uk/en/travel-and-living-abroad/staying-safe/Locate/

The countdown has properly begun for my son now. Visas mostly ready – although today he has gone to pick up his passport from the Thai Embassy and I’m a little worried because he has managed to lose the very important pink receipt he needs to collect it. Failing at the first hurdle does not bode well for the rest of his trip does it. What if they won’t give it to him? Can’t find it without the relevant number?

Several other parents of the mates he’s travelling with are now on a roll – they’ve had meetings, done spreadsheets (SPREADSHEETS??), shared insurance information and yellow fever stuff and I’m beginning to get gap year parent envy – or inadequacy – or something….I’m still hoping to sit down and watch “Midnight Express” with him – if only for that fantastic soundtrack, but other than that and vague mumblings about making sure all the boys check Adam’s Apple’s VERY CAREFULLY in Thailand and avoid getting drugged on coaches by refusing offers of food or drink, it’s been a little patchy. He’s talking a lot about the 12p bottles of beer in Vietnam which my friend pointed out must be made from old socks for that price – I suspect it’s made from substances even worse than old socks.

Still slightly of the opinion that he’s a big boy now and should get on with it all himself but can’t quite help wondering why I haven’t done a spreadsheet yet and what would be on it.

I have just gaily clicked on to “Travelling in Thailand” on the above mentioned website and got this and am now even more freaked out because he is going to be on that border they’re talking about:-

TRAVEL SUMMARY

We advise against all travel to the Preah Vihear (Khaoi Pra Viharn in Thai) temple area and the Ta Krabey/Ta Moan temple area located on the Thai-Cambodian border due to the presence of troops in the area and the risk of outbreaks of fighting. Remain alert to the local situation when travelling in other border regions and at land crossings between Thailand and Cambodia. See Safety and Security – Local Travel – Cambodian border.

We advise against all but essential travel to the provinces of Pattani, Yala, Narathiwat and Songkhla on the Thai-Malaysia border. See Safety and Security – Political Situation.

There is a high threat of terrorism. Bomb and grenade attacks have been indiscriminate, including in places visited by expatriates and foreign travellers. Sporadic attacks continue in Bangkok and Chiang Mai. On 13 January as a precaution the Thai authorities increased security measures in Bangkok, following warnings of a possible terrorist threat. On 16 January the Thai authorities found a large supply of bomb-making materials in Samut Sakhon, 38km south west of Bangkok. You should exercise caution, especially in the cities of Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Chiang Rai, Khon Kaen, Ubon Ratchathani and Udon Thani. See: Safety and Security – Terrorism.

Large areas of central, northern and eastern Thailand were affected by flooding between September and December 2011. The National Travel Health Network and Centre has issued advice and information about the possible increased risk from illness and disease in areas that have been affected by flooding. Contact your GP for further advice and information before travelling.

It is not uncommon for political demonstrations to take place in Thailand, including in central Bangkok. You should avoid demonstrations and any other protests.

By law, you must carry your passport with you at all times in Thailand. Tourists have been arrested because they were unable to produce their passport. See: Local Laws and Customs.

Penalties for possession, distribution or manufacture of drugs are severe and can include the death penalty. See: Local Laws and Customs.

Take out comprehensive travel and medical insurance before travelling. See General Insurance.

Register with our LOCATE service to tell us when and where you are travelling or where you live so our consular and crisis staff can provide better assistance to you in an emergency. At times of heightened tension, we suggest you also follow the British Embassy on Twitter and Facebook.

847,198 British nationals visited Thailand in 2010 (Source: Thai Immigration). Most visits are trouble-free. See General – Consular Assistance – Statistics.

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PARENTAL “CONTROL”

I am struggling here, listening to the radio about the number of 13 year old girls who have been given the pill as an implant in their arm without their parents knowledge.

There is a debate going on about it as I write. Steven Blake from the Brook Advisory Clinic says that although they like to encourage girls to speak to their parents they have to make decisions based on each individual child and that “health professionals are making very fine judgements” all the time. Well. I don’t dispute that. I’m sure they are. But increasingly, I have a problem with professionals making decisions for our children without our knowledge.

Parents get a bad press whenever children go off the rails. We are meant to stay married to give our children the best chance of turning into “normal” adults and if they are rolling drunk in the street then it’s our fault ultimately too. I accept all that to a degree – I’ve always been one to wear the “It’s All My Parents Fault” badge when I go out. What I do not accept is that if my children are still living under my roof and therefore I am ultimately responsible for their overall wellbeing – is it right that some random “professional” who I have never met and who doesn’t know the whole picture simply puts a child on the pill. We have one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancy in the world – well, perhaps that has something to do with the fact that somebody somewhere decided it might be a good idea not to involve the parents in the decision making process.

It’s not so much about not knowing whether they are having sex with anyone in particular (although that frankly is bad enough) as much as hoping to be aware of their overall physical and mental health. There are side effects to the pill. If a 13 year girl is having hormones dripped into her and is consequently putting on weight, getting spotty, moody, unhappy and we don’t know why – is that helpful in any way? Shouldn’t we attempt to be armed with as many facts as possible? Not to mention suddenly wondering why our daughter’s are no longer wearing sleeveless tops around us because there is a little fan shaped device bubbling under their upper arms.

To be honest I even have a problem with the fact that if your 18 year old child still lives at home and lets say has a run in with the law and you get a phone call about it – nobody will tell you the details because “they are now adults” – well they might be considered an adult, but if they are still living at home then shouldn’t we as parents know what is going on in order to know what to do next?

AND DON’T START ME ON DEPRESSION. If your child is still living at home but feeling depressed they can go and speak to a doctor, be given drugs which can cause serious side effects including suicidal tendencies and psychosis and yet the person living with them and caring for them as best we can does not know??? So suddenly you could be living with a depressed child and not know where to begin or how to help because we don’t know all the facts. How does that work?

Shouldn’t we all be working together?

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HEART SHAPED BANANAGRAMS GAME FOR VALENTINE’S DAY

OMG this is a major coup for me. How lucky am I to be friends with the woman who invented the game Bananagrams?? It really wasn’t very long ago that we were having a coffee and talking about our respective disastrous divorces and what to do about everything when she told me that she and her father had designed a game and were having a prototype built to test it out but it was all top secret…. A few years later and Bananagrams is the UK Number ONE game according to the Financial Times, it has been translated into many different languages, is a PS game, an app and growing madly everywhere you look. Incredible. Just goes to prove that anything is possible if you have the belief (or the dream and now I’m sounding like a Disney representative).

ANYWAY, as a result in order to cheer me up for Valentine’s Day I’m allowed to offer you the chance to win a limited edition heart-shaped Bananagrams game. Instead of it’s usual Banana-shaped pouch, the game has been re-produced in a gorgeous heart-shaped fabric case to mark the most romantic day of the year. What’s more, this specific design can’t be found in any shops – so this is one of the only ways of getting your hands on one! A perfect treat for established fans of the game, as well as for anyone completely new to the Bananagrams world, to enter the competition simply:-

Follow @FamilyAffairs and @Bananagrams_UK

Send me a tweet saying why you think you deserve the heart shaped games and RT the offer as well

Leave a comment on my blog as well preferably so that I can make sure I don’t miss anyone out.

GOOD LUCK x

To find out more about the global phenomenon that is Bananagrams and to discover all the games in the range, visit www.bananagrams.com or like them on Facebook – www.facebook.com/BananagramsGames.”

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GAP YEAR CONCERNS

So apart from running a continuous loop of “Midnight Express”, “The Deer Hunter”, “Bridge Over The River Kwai” and anything else we could lay our hands on that might put them off – I’m disappointed that “Shantaram” isn’t out as a film yet….we seem to have done nothing but get their travel juices going. A [...]

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MUMS LAUNCH STUDENT HOME SWAP SCHEME

What a great idea two parents from Brighton have had. They have set up a scheme where parents can “swap” their children when they go away to university. The idea is that parents who have a spare room while their child is away might take in a student from the town where their child is [...]

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MOTHERS AGAINST GAP YEAR – MAGY’s

I’m in the process of setting up a new campaign and already have several new recruits – MAGY’S = “Mothers Against Gap Year’s”. It’s all too much – we are not coping well.

My soon-to-be-travelling-to-the-end-of-the-world son is sitting behind me filling in a Visa application to Cambodia (and farting). He is off to various embassies today and to get his Japanese Encephalitis jab (I still don’t know what that is but it better be worth it because it’s costing me somewhere in the region of £78 and that’s on top of £150 for a rabies jab…).

I’ve been relatively calm up until now, because of course it’s a good thing that he’s off to spread his wings a little. Flee the nest for a minute. I know SEA really well – I couldn’t love it more. I have never felt safer. However putting myself into the mind and body of a 19 year old boy with 6 mates is an entirely different matter. Their brains function differently. They’re not sensible. Now that I’m getting a little more involved in the detail I’ve noticed my stress levels rising. My friends aren’t helping – mothers of two other boys who are going with him – they are not only far more hands on than me but are beginning to freaking me out about things like losing visas and border controls.

Here is an email my friend sent me yesterday:-

“After being very laid back about their forthcoming trip – am now feeling completely sick about the whole thing!! Was online last night checking he’d got the right info re visas etc and went on a few sites about safety, crime rates, healthcare, emergency services or lack of them!! Also read a few students real life experiences and freaked myself out. Anyway obviously haven’t slept a wink and now becoming completely paranoid so Catholic priest booked in for major blessing plus have asked a girl who has recently come back from travelling to meet up with them to chat about her experiences of travelling through Asia. She’s back from uni for a few days so thought it might be a good idea to get the boys together with her for a drink. I know my son won’t be impressed that I’m now interfering but his whole approach so far seems very naive and vague. Nowhere in Asia seems particularly great for blonde English teenage youths but Cambodia – well certain parts – sounds really scary.

Sorry don’t want to make you nervous and I’m sure they’ll be fine but I think the reality of them being away for a long period of time in strange lands is just hitting home!”

My response:-

FFS – the bloody rubber ring thing in Laos!! Shall we just follow them in disguise? I think I can get my mother to come for 4 months. Should be fine. Would be good to get together. Maybe we could also find somebody who looks awful who spent some time in a Thai prison to come to the pub for a drink too? Just to put them off? Know anyone?

Hers:-

Yes any deterrent is a good idea – this weekend I’m planning to run continuous showings of Apocalypse Now, The Deerhunter and The King of Siam – that should be enough to put anyone off!! Be good to meet up soon.

Mine:-

“Don’t forget “Midnight Express” – that’s the best one!! Must order it on Amazon now.

Anyway. You see how easy it is to whip yourself up into a frenzy of total panic. At this rate I’ll be at the airport refusing to let go of his leg and shouting at all the security men to stop him.

I wonder if this is because he’s my firstborn and it’s all new. Another phase in his life that I want to be involved in, take an interest in. Like all the 85,000 photos I took of him when he was born, started crawling, walking, swimming, going to school – as if he was the first child to ever do all that stuff. Isn’t it incredible how much information you can absorb at each stage – I was so knowledgeable on breast Vs bottle feeding and prams and primary schools and contagious water born diseases you can catch in swimming pools. I’ve got notes on his growth, his first words, I’ve even got a little box of his teeth. Surprised I haven’t got test tubes full of poo samples to be honest.

I wonder how much that level of focus from a parent affects the child long term and whether it’s therefore a good or bad thing that my third child is going to have an entirely different experience. He is at the opposite end of the spectrum and is convinced that there isn’t one photo of him growing up and to be honest, although I try to convince him otherwise, I haven’t found it yet. I have no memory of his first words, no photo album of his first year, no little umbilical cord clips (yuk) and no box of teeny weeny teeth. In fact, I am ashamed to admit that once, when I managed to lose his tooth before it went under his pillow for the tooth fairy I “borrowed” one from my little box that belonged to his older brother – but it was a little brittle and the wrong colour and he wasn’t really convinced.

Does this mean I’ll be far more chilled when it comes to his travels? Maybe I won’t even notice he’s gone….Unlikely. He’s my last child. He gets just the same amount of love from me, but in a different way. Must ask him about it all though and maybe try harder in future – wonder if he will want me to come with him to the hairdressers and save some locks of hair and other such stuff….

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