A friend and client of mine who has been there – done that with her children some years ago sent me an email – I’m not sure if I was supposed to feel reassured after reading it – IT HASN’T HELPED AT ALL:-

“I read your blog yesterday. Don’t worry about the gap year travel thing. Much. Because there were no mobiles or emails I remained in blissful ignorance about my sons exploits until they got home, more or less safe and sound. One was at Everest base camp; stranded in Patna, Bihar (poorest state in India) where he and his travel companion carried khukri’s (Gurkha knives) at the ready because they could have been murdered for their trainers; relieved of a large sum of money in a carpet scam at the Taj Mahal; spaced out in Goa, covered in henna tattoos and a nasty cigarette burn on his hand after being chased by a mob and only able to close the door with his hand on the outside. Etc etc. My Captain Sensible son on the other hand – bit of a run in with magic mushroom omelettes in Thailand. He and his friends didn’t realise you were meant to share one between about 6 not eat the whole thing yourself. Tried to bury himself in the sand on the beach as the world dissolved in funny shapes and colours. Also ferry crossing in small un-seaworthy vessel that only just reached land. Not even worth mentioning bunjee jumping from wobbly bridge over ravine or sky diving in New Zealand – that’s just normal stuff.

Otherwise just normal travel chaos and a lot of visits to the Hospital for Tropical Diseases when he got home. So really, you shouldn’t give this impending adventure another thought”.

I am definitely going to have to go with him. Or keep my eyes tightly shut and not read anything for 4 months. Really not sure if I want to see Facebook photographs of his beaded hair, goatee beard, baggy trousers and inane grin.

Trying to get him interested in getting in touch with friends and family a little before he arrives to check whether they will actually be in the country and able to offer him a bed but so far, nothing. “Mum, dw, it’s cool”….I think the parents of all the boys travelling are going to get together soon to stare at each other and freak each other out and talk about germs and other things I can’t even bear to think about.

My soon-to-be-travelling-to-the-end-of-the-world son is sitting behind me filling in a Visa application to Cambodia (and farting). He is off to various embassies today and to get his Japanese Encephalitis jab (I still don’t know what that is but it better be worth it because it’s costing me somewhere in the region of £78 and that’s on top of £150 for a rabies jab…).

I’ve been relatively calm up until now, because of course it’s a good thing that he’s off to spread his wings a little. Flee the nest for a minute. I know SEA really well – I couldn’t love it more. I have never felt safer. However putting myself into the mind and body of a 19 year old boy with 6 mates is an entirely different matter. Their brains function differently. They’re not sensible. Now that I’m getting a little more involved in the detail I’ve noticed my stress levels rising. My friends aren’t helping – mothers of two other boys who are going with him – they are not only far more hands on than me but are beginning to freaking me out about things like losing visas and border controls.

Here is an email my friend sent me yesterday:-

“After being very laid back about their forthcoming trip – am now feeling completely sick about the whole thing!! Was online last night checking he’d got the right info re visas etc and went on a few sites about safety, crime rates, healthcare, emergency services or lack of them!! Also read a few students real life experiences and freaked myself out. Anyway obviously haven’t slept a wink and now becoming completely paranoid so Catholic priest booked in for major blessing plus have asked a girl who has recently come back from travelling to meet up with them to chat about her experiences of travelling through Asia. She’s back from uni for a few days so thought it might be a good idea to get the boys together with her for a drink. I know my son won’t be impressed that I’m now interfering but his whole approach so far seems very naive and vague. Nowhere in Asia seems particularly great for blonde English teenage youths but Cambodia – well certain parts – sounds really scary.

Sorry don’t want to make you nervous and I’m sure they’ll be fine but I think the reality of them being away for a long period of time in strange lands is just hitting home!”

My response:-

FFS – the bloody rubber ring thing in Laos!! Shall we just follow them in disguise? I think I can get my mother to come for 4 months. Should be fine. Would be good to get together. Maybe we could also find somebody who looks awful who spent some time in a Thai prison to come to the pub for a drink too? Just to put them off? Know anyone?

Hers:-

Yes any deterrent is a good idea – this weekend I’m planning to run continuous showings of Apocalypse Now, The Deerhunter and The King of Siam – that should be enough to put anyone off!! Be good to meet up soon.

Mine:-

“Don’t forget “Midnight Express” – that’s the best one!! Must order it on Amazon now.

Anyway. You see how easy it is to whip yourself up into a frenzy of total panic. At this rate I’ll be at the airport refusing to let go of his leg and shouting at all the security men to stop him.

I wonder if this is because he’s my firstborn and it’s all new. Another phase in his life that I want to be involved in, take an interest in. Like all the 85,000 photos I took of him when he was born, started crawling, walking, swimming, going to school – as if he was the first child to ever do all that stuff. Isn’t it incredible how much information you can absorb at each stage – I was so knowledgeable on breast Vs bottle feeding and prams and primary schools and contagious water born diseases you can catch in swimming pools. I’ve got notes on his growth, his first words, I’ve even got a little box of his teeth. Surprised I haven’t got test tubes full of poo samples to be honest.

I wonder how much that level of focus from a parent affects the child long term and whether it’s therefore a good or bad thing that my third child is going to have an entirely different experience. He is at the opposite end of the spectrum and is convinced that there isn’t one photo of him growing up and to be honest, although I try to convince him otherwise, I haven’t found it yet. I have no memory of his first words, no photo album of his first year, no little umbilical cord clips (yuk) and no box of teeny weeny teeth. In fact, I am ashamed to admit that once, when I managed to lose his tooth before it went under his pillow for the tooth fairy I “borrowed” one from my little box that belonged to his older brother – but it was a little brittle and the wrong colour and he wasn’t really convinced.

Does this mean I’ll be far more chilled when it comes to his travels? Maybe I won’t even notice he’s gone….Unlikely. He’s my last child. He gets just the same amount of love from me, but in a different way. Must ask him about it all though and maybe try harder in future – wonder if he will want me to come with him to the hairdressers and save some locks of hair and other such stuff….

Thankfully my oldest son has finished his exams now so that’s one less stress to worry about. Instead, I am swiftly moving on to mild hysteria about his upcoming “Gap year” travel plans. My friend came round today – she’s being much more hands on about sorting out visas and vaccinations and routes and stuff and saying things like “when are you going to the Thai Embassy and make sure you scan copies of the visas so that if they lose or get everything nicked they can still print out new copies from abroad”. I have done very little on the basis that he is now an adult and needs to sort it all out for himself, but, I’m not sure that is the right approach.

He appears to be basing half his trip on an adventure he’s heard about near Laos – “mum, it’s this really cool thing you can do which involves like getting into rubber rings and floating down a river and stopping off at loads of bars and drinking and then like moving down river to the next one and it’s like meant to be really amazing fun”.

I didn’t give it much thought apart from have a pang of jealousy, until I spoke to my friend in Australia who suddenly said “by the way, make sure that he doesn’t do that rubber ring thing that involves drinking in numerous bars on the way down a river because loads of people are dying and there’s a big thing all about it here – the alcohol they serve in the bars is massively potent and they get so pissed they drown”.

Shit.

So now what? Suggesting he doesn’t bother with that adventure isn’t going to make the slightest bit of difference I’m sure.

Sometimes being a single parent is ridiculously hard. Trying to manage the balance between being a concerned mother and a disciplinarian very often doesn’t really work. You sort of get wrong on every level. Half the time when I try and talk to them they either roll their eyes or fall about laughing. Of course I will tell him not to do it – but will it work? Unlikely. They are invincible at that age remember. Perhaps, when he leaves next month, rather than ask for regular updates or follow his journey via Facebook I might be better to totally pretend he doesn’t exist and hope for the best.

Like that’s going to work.

My Google search is full of things like “weather in Chiang Mai” and “the Great Barrier Reef hostels”. How do you get on with your life when you have a child out in the big wide world? I can’t bear the thought of him being away for FOUR MONTHS. Any advice on that subject will be most gratefully received.

Maybe I should go with him.

In addition I have many man jobs to do in my house. I don’t mean to be sexist – it’s just that I’m useless at putting up shelves and bleeding radiators. I can’t even get the bulb out of my bedside lamp so I have the whole thing sitting by the front door to take to the shop – I need to get a new bulb and ask them to take the old one out – it’s just that I’m a bit too embarrassed to ask.

My “man drawer” has grown over the years. I now have a tool box with a hammer I’ve never used and several spanners. There was a torch in it recently but one of the children has stolen it and there are also lots of nails but I don’t know where I would bang them in.

It’s hopeless.

Valentine’s Day is coming up and the children are all beginning to show signs of planning. I however am going to go into a massive sulk about not having anyone to buy anything for. Perhaps I should start thinking about posting anonymous cards to people I admire….it’s just that I can’t think of anyone at the moment. Except maybe Johnny Depp who I understand is recently separated. But that won’t work. He’ll be traumatised for at least the next 10 years.

My daughter has finished her mocks and is now planning her holidays post GCSE’s. These too are causing havoc with my mind. All that “WHY can’t I do this or that? You clearly don’t trust me at all” stuff. It’s so exhausting. When I was 16 I wasn’t allowed out past 10pm at weekends or even have friends round. This of course resulted in any bad behaviour being conducted elsewhere. So I know the drill. It’s better to keep them close. Know what they’re up to. But they’re all growing up WAY too fast.

Consequently I think it might be best if I and my youngest child move shortly to a monastery.

I can no longer cope.

Anybody know a good monastery that takes children? (and lets me drink and speak and buy shoes from time to time but not necessarily in that order).

Just such a joyful sound and look at them all – singing their hearts out and the little kids clapping along and the wise old sage in orange – probably not very PC to say that he reminded me hugely of the old wise character in The Lion King (who may not have been human!).

Off they went last night to check it out. They had a curry in Brick Lane and then walked the five or so minutes to the hotel. They were very impressed.

Here is what he said:-

Excellent new budget hotel (rooms about £35 a night). Free Wifi. Plasma TV. Excellent location – 5 minutes from Liverpool Street Station. Near Hoxton. Spitalfields Market on the doorstep. Brick Lane very cool for bars and curry’s.
Simple funky decor. Very clean. White sheets. Comfortable bed.

He took some photos:-

His girlfriend, outside the room with their Welcome bags:-

Their room:-

Bed:-

Not a good photo but here is a very cool outside area that would a perfect location in the summer to sit out:-

Sue, who visits Walt Disney World in Florida as often as she can with her family, beat thousands of other applicants for a coveted spot on the Moms Panel and had to get through three rounds of interviews to secure her place among 15 new panellists from across the United States and Canada, who will share advice and tips on how to plan the perfect trip to a Disney resort. Sue will also be joined by fellow UK mum, Emma Nicholson from Lancashire who will be retaining her place as a UK panellist in 2012.

Entering its fifth year, the Walt Disney World Moms Panel is an online forum where guests can get tips and insights for a Disney holiday from real mums, dads, grandparents and guardians who have mastered the art of planning Disney holidays. Guests can pose questions to the panelists, as well as gain access to other holiday-planning tools for booking a holiday. Featuring just 12 members during its inaugural year in 2008, the panel now boasts 42 park-savvy panellists as a result of the popularity of the site and an ever-growing number of questions submitted by curious guests.

Sue said, “I’m thrilled to be joining the Moms Panel to represent British mums and answer any questions UK families may have about planning a holiday to Walt Disney World in Florida. Having done it myself, I know how daunting organizing a holiday can be! From which is the best value resort to getting everyone from the airport, I’ll be on hand to share my knowledge and guide UK families through the planning process to ensure they have the best holiday possible” .

Ginger Taggart, Executive Marketing Director at Disney Destinations International said, “The Walt Disney World Moms Panel is an engaging and very popular planning tool where parents can share real and personal insights with each other. We’re excited to have a new British mum representing UK families and offering advice to ensure they make the best of their holidays to Walt Disney World and create special memories they will cherish for a lifetime”.

Families planning a Walt Disney World holiday can log on to the Walt Disney World Moms Panel site at www.disneyworldmoms.com to receive valuable tips, advice and planning secrets from the 2012 panelists.

I don’t know why I am remotely surprised then that his plans to travel round half the world next month are not exactly coming together. I mean I’m certainly not going to get an itinerary, let alone an address. At least he’s busy earning the money to support his adventure – working in a pub and coaching football at his old school which is great, but I don’t see any signs of digging wells or teaching English or even shearing sheep looking very likely at this late stage. Just a lot of him randomly mentioning another country – “maybe we’ll go to Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia and then back to Malaysia but I’m meeting some mates in Chiang Mai and then we’ll….” honestly it’s like they’re getting on a bus to go to central London – how will they meet their mates? Where will they stay? The main default setting for the group appears to be about making sure they are in the right place at the right time for The “Full Moon Party” in Thailand (and I suspect that it’s title is more to do with exposing ones buttocks to everyone rather than the natural satellite of the earth).

He’s meant to be off to Australia next month and there are a few friends of mine that I’m sure he can stay with (for a few nights) but I can’t get him to email anybody in advance to find out what dates would be appropriate to visit or indeed if they are even going to be in the country. My suggestion that it would be a teeny bit rude to just appear on the other side of the world is falling on deaf ears. “Don’t worry mum, it’ll be fine….” is not very reassuring – last time I heard that he ended up in a Polish prison. I guess, (as it was with the two Aussie teenagers that recently stayed with me) it will be ultimately down to the parents to do the organising.

Anyway, he’s got retakes coming up very soon now so it’s better if he’s not too focused on the next far more exciting stage of his year. I note that instead of past papers and revision timetables being looked at on Google there are the beginnings of some mobilisation to the cause. The thing is that secretly these teenagers are clever and know that if they leave it long enough somebody else might do the work for them. They are entirely capable in every way when they want to be. Here are the first stirrings of his Gap Year planning taken from my Google history:-

Claiming back your tax when on a gap year
Applying for an Australia visa from the UK (god, watch out Aussie friends – leave the country before it’s too late)
STA travel
Cheap flights from Australia to Asia
Convert Australian dollars to GB
Quantas airlines
Cheap beers in Asia (I made that one up but I’m surprised it’s not there).

There are lots of top tips for planning your Disney Holiday. Join Jenny Powell as she shows you all the excitement that awaits every member of your family at Walt Disney World by clicking on the photo book. Then click the button below to meet Emma, their UK Disney Holiday Expert, in a series of videos to help you plan your holiday.

You need to register for one of the three events, which you can do at www.mydisneyworldplanner.co.uk

Here is a video of their global remix of one of their songs. The gorgeous girl in the video is the daughter of some friends of mine and I suggest you watch till the end to see them incorporate a verse in Swahili and introduce some of the village music. It’s brilliant and explains very simply exactly what the Singing Wells project is all about:-

Thanks to Abraham Banda who got these great photos of the unfolding drama……

The family herd desperately trying to help the screaming Mum and baby escape, but they were completely stuck in the deep, rapidly drying mud with no chance of getting out:-

The brave and skilled SLCS team manages to slip a rope under the baby, narrowly avoiding mums thrashing trunk – and starts to haul her out …..
‘

Nearly there – the whole team is hauling as hard as they can…..But the baby is terribly frightened and won’t leave mum’s side

Again – she’s out and we think we’re almost there…..But despite frantic waving and shouting – she won’t leave her mum

One more try – the team pull her further away from mum this time…..They unwrap the ropes and help her to her feet

This time – thanks to a young herd cousin calling her to safety…..she makes a dash for it as the rest of the herd scream for her to come to them

Now back to mum who is dehydrated and exhausted – they’ve been pouring water over her to try to protect her from the scorching midday sun. SLCS staff carefully slip a rope under her…

and the tractor starts to pull and pull – inching her out of what would have been a muddy grave – she seems to sense that there’s a chance of escape and begins to struggle for her life.

With us all shouting encouragment and just willing her to keep going “come on Mama, come on Mama”……. to the delight of us all – she makes it! Weak and wobbly she drags herself out

she runs to find her baby and the rest of her waiting herd! The happiest possible ending!

The SLCS team all share a celebratory drink on the Kapani deck with their relieved guests!

This is all in a day’s work for the amazing Rachel McRobb and her outstanding team at The South Luangwa Conservation Society. Go to www.slcszambia.org - it’s a fantastic site and well worth a visit. You will be amazed at what this relatively small group can achieve – their dedication and commitment to wildlife is inspiring.

Together with their local wildlife authority – the South Luangwa Area Management Unit of the Zambia Wildlife Authority, they are extremely effective at anti-poaching activities including anti-snaring and patrolling in vulnerable areas of the National Park. Rachel and her team are also skilled at darting snared animals, removing the snares and treating the horrific wounds they cause. Their awareness raising activities and work with other local conservation groups are incredibly effective. Of course – this all takes money so they are always looking for people to consider becoming regular supporters.

My friend Christina wrote “It was extremely heartening for us all to see how many local people joined in the efforts to free these two elephants – the cheers of joy, first when the baby ran to his cousin and then when Mum was finally released from the jaws of the sticky, cloying mud were wonderful! Everyone seemed to identify with the mum’s plight – we all saw the incredible emotional bond between the worried herd members and mum and baby.

Thank you SLCS and ZAWA and also all the NCS staff who bravely fought to make this a happy ending!”