I met my ex husbands girlfriend the other day. I’ve bumped into her before and said a few trite words, but this time I actually had to have a drink with her. She has keys for my ex’s house so she had simply let herself in. I don’t know who was more surprised. Obviously, the situation is a little odd. There I was heating up a curry in the microwave, having just put my child to bed. My ex was just pouring me a glass of wine and I was sort of behaving in a slightly proprietorial manner, which was of course completely out of order. Yes, he used to be MY husband and yes they are MY child upstairs, but she was perfectly entitled to be a little put out that I had apparently moved in and was therefore ruining the already limited time she could spend with him.

We managed to have a perfectly civilised non-conversation – “how are you?” “how are the children?” bla bla bla…we were all uncomfortable.

She was perfectly lovely, but it is awkward and I don’t like it. I am not ready to feel happy about the face that another woman spends time with my children but I’m going to have to learn to get over it.

  1. A Mother's Place is in the Wrong on

    Ah Lulu, know how you feel. My ex went off with my secretary! And she wasn’t particularly nice to my children (mind you, neither was he). I sympathize – but you are better off without him. And your children are better off with you. Have faith in that.
    Margot xxx

  2. Put it this way, at least the woman isn’t one of your children’s teachers. Yep, PHT was Coralie’s teacher when she and my ex first started going out together.

  3. At least she is not one of your students…yep my ex is co-habitating with my grad student — she is 25 years younger and still a student in my department (of course I resigned as her advisor)…my 15 year old hates her and , and …you can only imagine.

  4. I just had to meet my ex-husband’s new girlfriend. I can’t lie…she is 7yrs younger than me so I pictured some beautiful person with a body to match…imagine how elated I felt when i laid eyes on her and could only think “she’s ugly!”. I literally jumped for joy in my car after dropping off my daughter, screaming in glee…SHE’S UGLY! I am over the moon about it! I too don’t like that she has a VERY WARPED idea of me because I divorced my husband due to drug/alcohol addiction on his part and he has managed to rewrite history and blame everything on me. Classic addict. Fast forward 7yrs and he admits he still loves me and isn’t over me, yet he’s moved her in after only 4months (although he’s known her through work for a year). Little does she know the things he says to me. She’d never believe me! Whatever. He’s her problem now. My daughter is my top priority and I’ve made that loud and clear to her. Still…I’m SO HAPPY THAT SHE’s UGLY!!!!!

    • I know your post is old, but I just had to say, I was just as pleased as you were about your ex’s ugly gf on finding that my ex’s new girlfriend is fugly and overweight, albeit nearly 3 years younger than I.
      It’s petty and immature, but I am relieved just the same.

      • haha my husbands new girlfriend is ugly also im not big headed in anyway but i look like a super model next to her thats the only good thing about this whole situation

      • I also wanted to say that my ex partner of eleven years, he’s partner is so obese her head is almost in her body she that fat, I know , he got back with me while he was with her once and she found out and still kept him. I’m only so glad he’s with her they deserve each other do much she’s really a joke to see in public I’m wrapped, from experience when my ex see people like that when he was with me he use to make fun of them now he’s with one, yessss. Thank you god.

    • same here only im still married to him and it took him 10y to talk to our children and in that time our daughter had a major operation where she needed blood and a match i obviously tried to contact him through his family,but im “lying” so the surgical team sent police to her door where he was living to inform him only to be told he doesnt even think they are his.He was never told.Its all over facebook that i’m a whore ect and how my children will find out THE TRUTH and im jealous of her she is 7y older than and has weight problem, I’m an ex model with a 2m house.it’s the things she sends to the kids that bug me and he refuses to admit its her its just nasty her best one was having our son stopped at immigration under a parent abduction allegation ha ha we are still married no abduction it was just very nasty that my son was kept in a cell until i could get it sorted out,social services had to investigate but i have always done the right thing. our son think his fathers punishment in life is that he has to have sex with fat tina,my children are the love of my life i put them first always but no-one needs to put up with crap i never needed a man to validate me would never have dragged my children to a different country when they didnt want to go just incase he came home,he still thinks its his house when its me who bought it.i have never called his house but she’s told everyone im harrassing her she blocked our childrens numbers and deleted them from his facebook but im mixing the situation. shes loathsome. there is some compensation he refused to have children with her and wont divorce me im his soulmate and he accepts full responsibility for us being unable to be together

    • I was married a decade and a half, had 2 children and put up with so much more than I should have. Emotional distant, physical distance & a complete lack of sexual satisfaction. I spent years begging him for love. Then I opened my eyes and ended the marriage only to find he was all too quickly and conveniently in a relationship with the cousin of my best friend.
      They are married now and even though at the moment she is thinner than me because I have put on weight… I secretly laugh and quite enjoy the fact that she is older than me by almost 10 years and sports the face of a horse. She has a huge nose and very manly angular features. I am petite, cute & very feminine and he married an old, ugly manly looking woman.
      That’s my secret guilty pleasure! I secretly enjoy that he traded down & anyone who knows us also knows his first wife (me) was prettier & more attractive. I might be larger around than her these days but I can light up a room when I walk in with my eyes, my smile & my general appearance & personality.
      Karma is great & his new wife is proof that the universe has a sense of humor! 😉

  5. 2manysecrets4me on

    anonymous… I was dating a guy for 2 yrs… I’d heard about his girl friend from Florida that really had just been his friend but he’d slept with to get back at his ex who had DARED to accuse him of having an affair with a woman 3000 miles away that wasn’t even girl friend material! Well, 2 yrs later, fast forward, and this woman who is so ugly he feels NO attraction to her what so ever, and EVERY ONE who has ever met her said she’s a DOG… is still going on every vacation with him.

    Needless to say, after waiting for 2 yrs for him to break up with someone he has said time and time again is NO COMPETITION, and he isn’t ATTRACTED TO… I stopped trying. The LAST STRAW was when he took her on an 11 day vacation to AZ to drop off a car for his mom, and visit with his brother… WHY I asked him, WHY would you refuse to take me, and go with someone you said you didn’t even care if you ever saw again?

    Why, because I wanted to meet his family and he’s not ready for a commitment. In his warped mind it was OK to take her and share a bed with her for 11 days, because she’s JUST a friend and their relationship has NO FUTURE. Only she doesn’t think it will never happy, she thinks some day maybe, just like I used to.

    She is UGLY, not just in her looks but her personality. She has been rude to most of his family and his whole family doesn’t even like her… she didn’t give a rip that he girlfriend for the other 300 plus days a year when she’s not around, because she’s too ugly to get a boyfriend close to her, and she doesn’t want to mess her life up for NOW any way.

    You can be all happy that your EX got a dog for a girlfriend. I can be SMUG that any one who knows both of us thinks that he must be MENTAL for picking her. Even his mother said he should date ME… because he lied and said we were just friends.

    FOR ME I think it would have hurt less if he’d dumped to go off with someone he actually loved who was beautiful. To know that he hurt me so deeply for someone HE ADMITS he does NOT find DESIRABLE in any way and he’s not attracted to, makes me wonder just how little he must have thought about ME!

    I used to show horses for years. I can tell you I’d rather be second choice to a world champion, then to be placed below someone that was so bad every one from the audiance comes up to comfort you after. It’s EASY to laugh off the dog faced girlfriend, or a dog ugly horse that beats you out… but it gives me no sense of pride or self worth what so ever.

    As far as I’m concerned, getting dumped for someone that is ugly, and basically worthless to every one but herself, makes the dump feel that much worse. Her only value to him was she was a great tool to keep any one who cares too much for him away.

    Just my honest opinion… but then maybe you didn’t still love him? 6 months later, and I’m still trying to get over my JERK… and I don’t have a clue why I’m not, because I deserved better then he ever gave me!

  6. No offence, but if that was my boyfriend I would have serious issues about his ex-wife living in the same home as him. In fact, guaranteed I wouldn’t be with my fella if his ex-wife lived with him when we started dating.

    The new couple needs a space to call their own – a space apart from the shadow of his previous relationship.

    When you two ended your marriage, you ended the rights you have to that intimate space in his life. I know it’s hard to hear, but neither of you can move on unless you’re actually ‘moving on’. It’s easy to blame the new partner in this situation but she was within her rights to be pretty upset to come to his place and find you there acting like you were still married.

    She has a right to build a relationship with him that is unique and respected and private from interference.

    • Family Affairs on

      Hi, thanks for your comment and I agree – but in fact I wasn’t living there – the children were staying for two weeks whilst I moved house and I was feeding them at his house every night but living elsewhere. Also a bit weird as this was the situation quite a few years ago now and things have moved on dramatically since then! Lx

  7. My ex’s girlfriend and i do not get along. He told her all kinds of lies and i know she was his mistress before we divorced. We co parent somewhat civil. Do i really need to deal with her at all in order to coparent. I just cannot stand her. I know some is not her fault as she is just stupid enough to believe the old stories men tell to make a woman feel bad for him but i am really hurt with what he told her. The worst thing was that i trapped with all three of our children. I though wow.

  8. I found EXaholics.com to be a great resource. Very supportive community and access to lots of tools, experts & therapists. Very helpful for me.

  9. I left my manipulative verbally and emotionally husband 6 months ago, after being married for 27 years. Tonight I met his 23 year od girlfriend and her 3 year old daughter. They are moving in together not far from me. I was of course mature about it and nice to her but I am sick to my stomach.

  10. I know that this post is very old but I just wanted to chime in here as the girlfriend of a divorced man who is friends with his ex-wife as they co-parent their children. I applaud them for being able to remain friends and do family things with their children and encourage it since me and my ex had a strained relationship for years after the divorce.

    However, from my perspective, it’s very difficult. Not only am I trying to maintain a relationship with my boyfriend with the limited time we have together, but also to establish one with the children. Then there is this ex-wife who is not used to having boundaries with her ex-husband and thinks things can follow the status quo. She doesn’t understand why she can’t come over any time she wants when their children aren’t there or why he won’t drop everything to help her fix her computer. She has a boyfriend for that. I would never be disrespectful to her or try to take her place. One day I could be friends with her but that would take time. I’m completely alright going to the kids events (birthdays, games, plays, etc.) with everyone.

    My boyfriend gave me keys to his house and said I could come by whenever I wanted. I would be upset if I found my boyfriend’s ex in his house cooking dinner when I came over and was not made aware. The boyfriend should have told the ex-wife and girlfriend what the situation was so neither would be surprised.

    The whole idea of comparing yourselves with the new girlfriend and who is thinner or younger is disturbing. You should be happy that he has found someone that he and the kids get along with.

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