So after three months of pretending to search for her, Helen Bailey’s fiance was charged with her murder and convicted yesterday in court. What a heinous crime Ian Stewart has committed on an innocent woman, a simply awful story. This is not only a hideous crime, but it is every single middle aged woman’s worst nightmare. Meeting a bloke on a dating site who then, over a relatively short space of time, comes cuckoo like into your nest, takes over, gets you to change your will and take out a life insurance policy and then kills you and buries you in the cess-pit with your dog.

It wasn’t even a crime of passion as he’d been drugging her for months, causing her to feel constantly sleepy and confused. WHY weren’t alarm bells ringing? Maybe she did start suspecting, which is why he killed her. But everyone around her seemed delighted that she was happy and of course, wouldn’t have for a second imagined what he was planning. All she had wanted was to feel secure and safe, even though she was far from it.

Helen Bailey was a successful author and blogger and clearly a kind and genuine person who was looking desperately for love again after the awful death of her husband. She would have been in a naive and vulnerable space and very unaware of how cruel the world can be. As she was planning their wedding, he was planning her murder. I bet if she’d had children they would have sniffed him out. Although to be fair, children sniff everything out. I suspect she simply wanted to be loved and cared for and not be on her own so moved them both into a large house and changed her will in his favour far too soon. In hindsight, it is of course easy to see where she went wrong, but how could she know she was with someone evil enough to let her be so worried about falling asleep and not being herself as well as sort out sales of her properties and standing order amendments immediately after he’d killed her.

Clearly she was very unlucky to meet him – is he a serial killer? They are now investigating his first wife’s death. I suspect not, he just wanted her money and thought he would get away with it. There are always risks associated when you become besotted with someone so soon after a trauma – she met him just eight months after her husband had drowned. You are not thinking straight and have not given yourself enough time to grieve or be on your own with your long-term anchors (family or friends) for long enough for you to start securing yourself to the ground again. To start being able to see the world from a reasonable perspective. It’s very easy to look for someone else to save you, but that rarely works until you’re a bit more stable.

I know it wasn’t one of the “normal” dating sites – it was a bereavement Facebook one, not a Grindr one where there are equally gruesome stories of men getting killed after meeting for sex, but this somehow is more shocking. Not an impulsive act, but a slow burn in which she had no idea what he was thinking or planning.

She wrote of him “You are my happy ever after” ….she couldn’t have been more wrong.

I knew there was a reason to be wary of internet dating. Yes, you can show me millions of people who have found love, but honestly, this story has put me off it completely.

  1. I’ve read about this case recently. Fortunately my 79 year old Mother hasn’t or she would surely call, yet again, to warm me against internet dating sites. Just when I think I will give in and join one I chicken out. Especially after a story like this! Thankfully I have little financially to lure a criminal in!! Lol

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