At my brother’s wedding, I met the partner of one of my brother’s very close friends. He was gorgeous. He looked like an old movie star – he actually had a moustache and floppy hair – he looked like a combination of the explorer hero in “Up” mixed with Woody from Toy Story (if it’s possible to look identical to Disney cartoon characters). I didn’t fancy him, which would have been a huge relief to him because a) he was still in his 20’s and b) he was gay, but I was very taken with his attitude to life, which seemed to say “I love life and I don’t care what you think about me, I’m just going to live it the way I want to live it”.
The next morning when we were all ridiculously hungover and trying to be useful by moving things to different tables and then back again he appeared wearing a new T-shirt that he’d just been given by his boyfriend. It had a picture of himself on it and it said “Hello World!”. It really made me laugh. It just seemed such a lovely simple life message about embracing everything.
This morning, I woke up with my new, improved, I’m not going to take any shit attitude and said “Hello World”. Today I’m going to try and remember who I am and what I want and who’s important and what life is all about.
Unfortunately, as I was mulling over huge self indulgent thoughts, time was ticking by and by the time I got going we were all running late. I had to drive my injured son to school so had to get everybody up and out.
“OH NO” said my 9 year old. “I’ve just remembered we’ve got to go and visit the Bastic church again”. “Baptist” I corrected him. “Whatever” he said “we have to go and answer really boring questions about God and get a crap bible in return. I’ve already got one from last year.” I think I need a packed lunch.
We rushed out, I was in my lycra leggings which isn’t a good look at the best of times, let alone when you’re my age and not even getting on a bicycle, but I was in a hurry and going on to do a walk immediately afterwards. “OMG mum” said my daughter “you really can’t go out like that, you’ve got a really bad camel’s hoof”. “What do you mean?” I asked, thinking she meant the way I was walking “you know, when your pants are so far up your crack everything is divided. Great.
Don’t you just love kids.
Decided that it might be sensible to delay new “Hello World!” attitude until sorted camel hoof problem.
September 14th, 2009 at 11:16 am
i nce KNEW there was no way I could improve on my look, as I got ready to drive the kids to school (and you hear it here first and last as I have never told a living soul!) I put my coat on over my boots and pj's and drove them to school thank god none came to talk to me in the school line…I was mortified, but feeling very chilled at the same time… can you imagine what the kids would have said, if they knew….
I do have a true mortification story that involve body parts, my 3 year old daughter after a visit to the doctor and my MIL…but there is no way l can post it here sober….
September 15th, 2009 at 5:23 am
Child Two had a mufti day and was saying that another girl's leggings were so tight 'you could literally see her cervix.' I had no idea she even knew the word! So it could have been worse xx
September 17th, 2009 at 6:52 am
This is the funniest thing I've read in ages, it made me laugh out loud! Aren't kids a nightmare, my nine year old daughter constantly criticises my own clothes and has a confidence in her own dress sense that must be innate as after 36 years I still haven't a clue what looks good on me and resort to watching Gok Wan in desperate hope that I might crack it.