A friend gave me an article yesterday written by Veronica Henry for The Daily Mail. It is all about being invisible at 40 and it is so true for many women. She says “The fashion industry doesn’t know I exist. My boss looks straight through me. The kids ignore everything I say and my husband wouldn’t notice if I served dinner naked”.
After focusing on either a young family or a career generally in our 30’s, our 4th decade can be a little confusing. Especially if you suddenly get divorced around your 40th birthday. Then things get really hard. Suddenly you have to start going out again. To clubs. Wearing your daughter’s crop top and leggings (I promise I never did that) or something vaguely trendy that you feel too old in. Spending time trying to look young and gorgeous is however pointless. You will still look like the mother trying to find her wayward child.
So. I am beginning to think that 40-something women need some guidance. What should we be wearing? Not skinny jeans as rest of body meets in middle and it’s really uncomfortable – fat pulled up and over, bosoms tucked in to waistband. We simply CAN’T (although we really want to) go the elasticated waist route for at least 20 more years. I want to wear ankle boots but my daughter then gets cross that I’m trying to copy her style – which I am. I have lost my fashion direction. NEED HELP.
Next issue is the fact that teenage kids take the piss all the time and have no respect and I spend my life saying “no” until they’ve worn me down SO much I don’t care anymore. Need to take a course in how to get my teenagers to respect me. No forget it. That won’t work. Need to ignore them more and find amazing fascinating well paid job until they start thinking that maybe I have something worth saying.
Next issue is finding a suitable man if you haven’t got one. Not too young. Not too old. How? Where should we be going to find him? Friends of no help whatsoever – suggestions range from internet dating, to sitting in a wine bar in town with a briefcase trying to look clever and single, to the zoo on a Saturday to find divorced dad to well, lots of other stupid ideas. Several friends currently on internet dates having a nightmare time. Will have to write about that at a later stage. Do younger men like women in their 40’s? Why? One male friend told me recently that whilst women in their 20’s obviously gorgeous and young and fun, women in their 30’s may want babies and marriage and consequently women in their 40’s who have had their kids are a pretty good option. Women in their 50’s and 60’s generally seem to be having a fantastic time. OR would an older man be better? Older men who prefer younger women seem to like them very much younger, which means that I’m going to have to start going on Saga holidays to target 60+ year olds and I don’t want to do that.
LASTLY and most importantly is the matter of “to wax or not to wax” which I’ve written about before. This is a major problem for women in their 40’s who are back out on the “dating” scene. APPARENTLY according to my male sources all the younger girls are floating about with NO pubic hair. IS THAT TRUE? I know a few women who always have a Brazilian or a Hollywood these days but frankly in the older woman I do think it’s more camel hoof than object of desire.
It really is bothering me though. I mean if it’s now the norm in the younger generation and then you meet a bloke who is used to that norm and then he has to fight his way through layer upon layer of undergrowth in a Ray Mears sort of way that he’s not used to, it’s going to horrify him and he’ll never get over the trauma OR he may not actually make it, having died of suffocation in the process or otherwise simply get lost forever and never be found.
I’m only mulling over these problems because I haven’t really got to worry about them (at the moment) you understand….I’d just like to be prepared (once a Brownie, always a Brownie – oh no, given context that now sounds rude).