You know what – if you’re getting divorced or separating you need to do one thing. Make sure that when your children go away with your ex-partner you have plans. Keep busy. Even this far down the line, after a ridiculously busy week with the children and an incredibly hectic afternoon and a lovely curry night to go to with friends, saying goodbye to my children for a couple of nights is appalling. Well, actually saying goodbye to my 7 year old is appalling. Obviously the other two don’t give a shit. I dropped Action Man (aka teenage son) and his friend (they looked identical in camouflage shorts, black T-shirts and strips of black smudges on their arms and face) at the station en route to their “Idol” party – he gave me a kiss and rushed off to catch the train. I dropped daughter off at her party with her millions of friends and when I pulled her aside to say “can I have a kiss because I won’t see you until Sunday” she said, “mum, if you try and kiss me I will never speak to you again because you will have ruined my life, I’ll come round tomorrow instead”, turned on her heels and merged with 50 other scarily beautiful pubescent girls and 50 other scarily scared and half their size young looking boys.
Back at home my 7 year old and I started packing his bag. This process fills me with a sense of impending doom in itself. He asked me if I was going to be OK without him and I said I’d be fine. His father had called from the pub at 7pm and apologised. He was going to be an hour late. “Good” I thought to myself. Anyway. His dad arrived. They had an argument about Sunday. His father told him to hurry up because it was getting late and he had to go to bed and then he cried. He hugged me and didn’t want to leave. I REALLY HATE THAT BIT. I have to look as if I’m fine because (and I imagine it’s a bit like if you have to leave your children at boarding school) one chink in your armour and you’ve destroyed them. I know it’s OK these days to let children see you cry, but not then. Not when he can hardly bear to let you go.
I know how hard it must be for my ex to not have his children and he often can’t help but show his true feelings in front of the children. I’m sorry about that too.
Right. Enough of that. I’m going to get pissed and eat curry and THEN get up ridiculously early and teach my poor lovely male client how to avoid back pain whilst inadvertently oozing smelly fumes. How horrid for him.
Anyway, thank goodness for friends. And wine. And curry. And Blogging.
May 16th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
FIVE posts (so far?) today – you are certainly keeping busy. Love your dialogue: so real.
And I know the anguish of parting with (step)son when he wasn’t happy to go. Not much is worse.
May 16th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
I just found your blog while browsing and now I’m tearing up. I just can’t imagine going through that every other weekend, or however often. Dad sounds like a gerk. Can’t the 7 year old stay home with you if he wants to?? Poor guy. But way to stay strong. You’re right, you don’t want them to see you breakdown over that.
May 16th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
thank you both for your comments – five posts in one day? Was it really? How did i fit them all in? Sadly, I can’t offer to keep my 7 year old with me on his weekend with his dad x
May 17th, 2008 at 8:26 am
I’ve been on the other side of that equation as the child of divorced parents, so I was REALLY touched by your post. Keep your chin up! Great blog, btw!!
May 17th, 2008 at 8:54 am
I naively used to envy my divorced friend’s weekends ‘off’, but not any more. It must be hard enough letting them go without them wanting to stay.
What alternative was there to a ‘plain man’, is a ‘keema man’ more beefy!? (sorry, can’t spell keema)
May 17th, 2008 at 9:10 am
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May 17th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
i would hate having the children go from me, and feel sad for you seeing yours off, even for a short time, especially when the little one doesn’t want to go; good luck with your weekend… may it pass quickly!
May 17th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
I think it’s harder for them to go at near bed time too – I’m sure there’s no alternative in this case – but kids always seem more resilient in the mornings, and he probably associates bedtime with mummy. Anyway hoorah back at ya for friends, wine, curry & blogging.