Family Affairs and other matters

I have now decided that I quickly need to become a high Catholic before I die so that I can have a wonderful full Latin Requiem Mass at my funeral. What a beautiful service it was for my friend’s father. All incense and sprinkly water and beautiful singing and I didn’t understand a word of any of the prayers or what the choir were singing about and lots of kneeling and praying and some people were even wearing the black mantilla veil over their head. My friend brought me his mother’s one to wear – he picked me up in his car and I thought he’d got a pair of lacy underpants on his dashboard. Needless to say, I didn’t wear it – it would have been a little disrespectful, I feel, given that I’m not very religious. At the end of the service we followed the pallbearers to the graveyard and watched his coffin being lowered into the ground and a final poem was read out. It seemed a very formal but lovely way for all his family and friends to say their final goodbyes.

One of the reading’s I found very moving. I hope they won’t mind me sharing a few words here:-

“Every experience of beauty, truth, love, unity or goodness, is shot through with suffering and sadness. These proceed from the certain knowledge that the end always comes, that death is still among us.”

“Of the paralysing knowledge that those we love must die it is not possible to speak. So in all loveliness and joy is found some suffering and sadness. These, however, can be bitter or they can be sweet. But they need not embitter us, for suffering and sadness can generate compassion. They can be sweet. Would life have been better and more bearable if we had never known the flower that has faded, never heard the Mozart Mass that has ended, never loved the friend who has died? If we think it would have been better, then perforce our suffering will be bitter”.

I am now back at home. On my third weekend in a row with the children as ex husband is away. Teenage son is having a driving lesson and then going out to a party. He appears to be planning a late rendezvous at his dad’s (empty) house. Such is the advantages for children of broken homes. He tells me he’s cleared it with his dad, so I’m not getting involved. Daughter is getting organised for a big farewell party tonight – which requires such a major focus of energy and enthusiasm to the task at hand that sadly, is not encountered at any other time. One of her best friend’s is leaving the country and moving to South Africa. She’s devastated. It’s so hard for children to lose friends. My youngest child is still suffering from the loss of his best friend to Australia. I keep telling her it will just mean that the world becomes a smaller place and that she can go one day to see her abroad. But it doesn’t really help. She wants to take the day off on Monday to spend as much time with her as possible. But I draw the limit there. She’s not missing school for that I’m afraid. My youngest son had a sleepover with a friend whose parents own a pub. He was really looking forward to all that coca cola on tap and free packets of crisps – must make note to self to become friends with parents and organise sleepover in pub for me ASAP.