There is a new study out that suggests most parents tell lies to their children as a tactic to change their behaviour in families in the United States and China.
Well. Surely we knew that already? My parents used to lie to me all the time – The Tooth fairy, Father Christmas,”eat your carrots you’ll see in the dark”, “brocolli will grow hairs on your chest (why my mother ever thought that would work I don’t know) mostly the usual stuff and then suddenly the lies stopped just when I needed them most and they changed tack and moved on to harsh reality: “that sounded awful” (violin), “you look awful, go and put something else on”, “you have no idea what you are talking about”….
There is only one lie that is worth telling as far as I’m concerned and that is “Wine Makes Mummy Clever” – I’ve been saying this for years and they still believe it……
However, according to the report, the most frequent example was parents threatening to leave children alone in public unless they behaved. Another strategic example was: “That was beautiful piano playing.”
‘I’ll buy it next time’, the most commonly used lie – popular with both US and Chinese families – was parents pretending to a child that they were going to walk away and leave the child to his or her tantrum. MEAN one as I used to get that and of course, they never did buy it.
“Your pet went to live on your uncle’s farm where he will have more space to run around” Nope didn’t get that one either – had to watch goldfish getting flushed down the loo….
There were “untrue statements related to misbehaviour”, which included: ”If you don’t behave, I will call the police,” and: “If you don’t quiet down and start behaving, the lady over there will be angry with you.”
If these seem rather unheroic examples of parenting by proxy threat, there are some more startling lies recorded.
Under the category of “Untrue statements related to leaving or staying” a parent was recorded as saying: “If you don’t follow me, a kidnapper will come to kidnap you while I’m gone.”
There were also lies motivated by protecting a child’s feelings – labelled as “Untrue statements related to positive feelings.”
What about the stork stories parents used to tell their children about where they came from? I used to be very puzzled about all that.
The study raises the longer-term issue of the impact on families of such opportunistic approaches to the truth. It suggests it could influence family relationships as children get older.
Researchers concluded that this raises “important moral questions for parents about when, if ever, parental lying is justified”.
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itsdavecoombs
janelledoria
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January 24th, 2013 at 3:41 am
Heh he….man…this made me laugh. I’ve done some terrible ones. My mate in Lusaka who is dad to three naughty little boys, used to tell them to be good in the car otherwise mrs snotgrass would come and get them…that mrs snotgrass had men out there on the look out…of course he referred to all the local Dala Dala (taxis)….the naughty one would hide under the seat and be very very very good. I don’t think mrs snotgrass works anymore. But she had a big giant orphanage of notoriety…it was a place no small boy would want to go. It was, in every way, a small boys hell. Xxx j
January 24th, 2013 at 7:03 am
aaah and I bet they remember that fear to this day…..Lx
January 24th, 2013 at 11:28 am
I think that it is really important to understand the difference between good lies and bad lies. I find the idea of parents threatening to leave their children alone in public truly terrifying. How can a parent begin to imagine that to put that idea into a child’s head is a good thing, are we not there to protect them? I have never threatened my children with anything that I couldn’t or wouldn’t carry out; are those threats that can’t be carried out just lies?
I do like the one about the car engine not being able to start unless the seatbelts are plugged in (any H&S related lie is acceptable in my book) and I have also always believed that wine makes mummy clever, it certainly makes mummy more creative which could be the same thing.
Up to a certain age I think that the stork-stories are acceptable too. I have a friend who, when asked, gave a full and honest description of the process of childbirth only for her six year-old son to be so fascinated he asked to have a look …
January 24th, 2013 at 9:20 pm
ha ha – that might have been me – I made the mistake of using the word “vagina” when my children were a little too young – my daughter’s friend was talking about fairies and mine was telling her about childbirth!! Also I remember giving to much graphic information to my son about a dog attack only to have him run off screaming any time there was one in sight. Agree though – not meant to terrify them into submission tempting though it is sometimes Lx