All I want is a little peace and quiet. I don’t think that is too much to ask for. I have other concerns to worry about. I don’t need this. My father for example. Back in hospital again after an aggressive round of radiotherapy for yet more operations. Not good at all.
There are no children around in my house this week and yet I am still hearing loud rumblings galore.
Yesterday BB asked his ex if he could have his children one night this week. Access has been denied and in addition he got a long and angry text from her all about my maintenance, which has presumably (unfortunately for me) become something she feels she can openly discuss with him, given that it is now her money as well. In it she states (and I write it as she has):-
“U n L shud treat us with the respect we deserve if u want us 2 treat u with any any kind of respect bac n stop blaming us 4 your own lives and get on with it. U have caused nothing but trouble n threats. We have what u guys seem unable 2 have. Love n respect. Y do we affect u still so much? U have no affect on us at all. We cud make this work 4 our children, but both u n L seem 2 put your problem with us 1st or finances 1st”.
Good grief.
Another demand for respect. I thought respect had to be earned, not demanded……
All I wish for is that all four of us are allowed to move on with our own lives with as much grace as possible. We all want to keep the children as calm and as happy as we possibly can and that can only be done if we call a truce to all this childish behaviour. It is in nobody’s interests to maintain this level of anger. I know BB can be a nightmare. Can inflame the situation, but he is calm and happy now and yet she still remains angry with him. A line needs to be drawn. The past pain forgotten. They are now married and can look forward to a happy future together. We are not married, but I don’t think that should make any difference. Why does she think we do not have “love n respect” too?
It is clear that it is all too early for us to be friends, but we don’t need to be friends. We just need to create a little bit of distance and try and be civil and courteous where necessary. For the moment the only way to make it work is to let go of some control and allow the children to be with one couple and then the other. Not have to have too many conversations beyond that. Just for the moment I think as little engagement as possible is best.
Or maybe I should suggest that we go to family counselling all together.
Art classes maybe.
Or perhaps kick boxing classes more appropriate….
August 12th, 2010 at 4:26 pm
Hehe kick boxing classes indeed… those two really are in a class of their own. It must be hard not to engage especially when you get crap like that sent to you. Honestly she sounds like 14yr old chav.
August 12th, 2010 at 6:41 pm
I agree. Although I think 14 year olds wouldn’t even send a text like that to someone they know. Lx
August 12th, 2010 at 5:12 pm
*sigh* it sounds as though she thinks the trouble comes from your end, whereas you see you trouble and anger coming from their end. I wonder if family counselling might not help? seriously. You good ask at your local Citizens Advice bureau for some contacts or you may be able to get a referal from your GP. Well why not, it sounds like it can’t make it any worse. *sending strength and a bucket of inner calm to help you* xxx (if only I could) xxx
August 12th, 2010 at 10:31 pm
If they were truly ‘loved up’ they wouldn’t have the time or inclination to keep dwelling on things. They are pathetic! Sorry you’re being put through this.
August 13th, 2010 at 12:23 am
Thanks. I do agree that they really should not even bother with the texts – concentrate on other things Lx
August 12th, 2010 at 6:41 pm
Can you take text messages like that seriously? Complaints like that, true or false, should be said face to face – not in teen text. She is weird!
August 12th, 2010 at 7:22 pm
there are two key things in this TEXT
…..U have no affect on us at all…..
which of course is all balls otherwise she wouldnt have bothered to text you DUH….
dont get me started Lu…..had CSA on phone today…..he even has them wrapped around his effing finger!
l cant get away from his controlling….because he pays my rent in lieu of anyother payment…we get nothing…so he even controls what it is spent on….shitbumfuck
saz x
August 13th, 2010 at 12:24 am
sorry Saz that it’s all v difficult for you – how frustrating L x
August 12th, 2010 at 11:12 pm
Basket weaving more like.
If they want respect then you shouldn’t be forced to pick up a cheque each month, just so he can belittle you. has he never heard of standing order?
August 13th, 2010 at 12:23 am
Not sure about basket weaving – maybe basket case weaving Lx
August 13th, 2010 at 12:44 am
Oh babe, what a mess.
Maybe she’s angry because BB has calmed down, taking away her power.
Or maybe she thinks she’s coming from a place of power now they are married.
I don’t think counselling is the answer all the time, but maybe a neutral party, place etc might be a way forward? Although I don’t know that these guys want to see sense. She seems to be one who thrives on drama. How emotionally exhausting for you & BB. And confusing for the kids.
August 13th, 2010 at 3:16 pm
Gawd! Poor you. Rise above it – though you may need very high heels to do it. I’d buy some Jimmy Choos with his next maintenance cheque. That’s one thing that ought to change now – surely she won’t want you appearing once a month to get your maintenance? Particularly not if you get all dolled up to do it ….
August 16th, 2010 at 3:10 am
Poor you. Rise above it – though you may need very high heels to do it. I’d buy some Jimmy Choos with his