I am feeling a little jumpy. I had an email from my X yesterday simply saying in writing everything that he had said last week. That he didn’t want to pay me any more maintenance. That he thought it was unfair. That I should get a full time job. I’m not sure what happens next. I guess he has a plan. It seems so wrong that after all the initial battles we had, even three years down the line, when he is about to remarry that I am not allowed to feel calm about my future and my security.
But that isn’t even the reason for my anxiety. This morning was a little stressy. At 7am I had to drive teenage son to school. Come back. Get lunch sorted. Usual stuff. Drive daughter to school. Park and do a 20 minute run with 9 year old son (new regime required – further details another time). Get back home. Get him changed. Get him in to school for 8.30am choir. Late.
Then I went to see the school secretary to book a time for his parent/teacher consultations. Two days ago when my X dropped the kids off I discussed the times with him and he said it had to be as late as possible because he was going to be busy at work. He ticked the slot we had agreed on. However, the secretary told me there were no slots left at that time. So we looked for a different time. She then pointed out that my X had made an alternative appointment just yesterday for a much earlier time with the headmaster – “just for him”.
Why would he do that without telling me? We’ve always done the school/children thing together.
What does he want to talk about regarding our son that I should not know about? Because he is moving away (today) I am paranoid that he has plans to take my youngest child with him. That would break my heart. I have immediately leapt to that conclusion. I hope to god I’m wrong. Is he waiting for me to say that nothing has changed regarding our circumstances, that I still have a primary school child to look after and therefore full time work is difficult, so that he can then suggest he lives with them instead? Can he do that?
March 10th, 2010 at 1:57 pm
As I have said previously, Ex can’t just stop paying. Incidentally, if Ex is a lawyer he would be struck off for non payment! You say that the maintenance is settled on both you and your children, I hope that the children’s element is settled until they leave full time education?
PLEASE consult your solicitor without delay and show him the e-mail.
(Alternatively do away with Ex and the children will inherit most of his estate, they have a legal preference over anyone else including new wife!)
March 10th, 2010 at 3:33 pm
You guessed right Jon in X’s professional status, so that’s good to know! I thought I was at a distinct disadvantage. Children’s maintenance is fine. Till end of full time education as you say Lx
March 10th, 2010 at 2:09 pm
It could be he wants to talk to the school about him moving away and he is worried it would affect the kids? but then i don’t understand why he would do that without you there? Or perhaps he feels that now he has put everything in writing that he wants to keep some distance from you?
I think you need to speak to him.
I really hope it is nothing serious or underhand. thinking of you.
March 10th, 2010 at 3:33 pm
Thanks Heather, I will speak to him about it as soon as I can L x
March 10th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
Oh God – what a horrible situation.
The thing that gets me is that BB ex has obviously lost her maintenance because she is now shacked up with your ex…and now he is looking to get that money back from you. Not fair. Not at all. You are still alone. I cannot believe the legal system will look at his situation and then at yours and decide he doesn’t need to keep paying alimony…but what do I know?
And very scary stuff about your youngest. But again – he can’t remove him from your care. He just can’t – even if he does (like a mad man) propose it. There is not a judge in the land who would take an 8 yr old from his own mother, who has been there as a SAHM, to live with his dad.
But it would be good to find out what he is up to. And to get some legal advice.
Wishing you tons of luck xxxxx
March 10th, 2010 at 4:11 pm
I’m so sorry, what a horrid situation to be in.
Try to talk to him, uncover the truth, it’s better than guessing.
Money issues are the worst.
I have my fingers crossed for you.
x jo
March 10th, 2010 at 5:40 pm
It sounds really absurd. I think that he is bluffing. Contact your lawyers – this is beyond talking it over or texting, or whatever else he likes to do. I agree with Nicola – it’s obvious that his new fiance is droning into his ear on a daily basis. He has no way out of maintaining you and the children. But a woman can make a man do and say crazy things (been there, done that) and they go along with it because they just want her to shut up. He’s chosen his lot, I am afraid, but it’s not your problem.
March 10th, 2010 at 8:31 pm
Please talk to a solicitor or lawyer asap. This doesn’t sound like it’s going down the right way, although I am sure he isn’t planning on taking your son away. That would be cruel and exceptionally unfair to your youngest who obviously adores you and finds the whole situation distressing enough as it is. x
March 10th, 2010 at 11:52 pm
Thanks Claire. Will do. No, when I am feeling rational I can’t believe that is what he is planning to do either Lx
March 10th, 2010 at 8:39 pm
I can’t even imagine how worried you must be right now but for what it’s worth it sounds like he’s being a prize prat (I’m trying to be polite!)
March 10th, 2010 at 10:16 pm
I agree with Anna. You have a legally binding arrangement and just because he has told you and mailed you to the effect that he’s not happy with it, in no way means he can just change it because he feels like it. Additionally, you MUST lodge the e-mail with your own lawyer and get your lawyer to draft (and send) a response. Then forget it! The courts have already made provision for your and your children’s needs until they leave school. Sorted. Your lawyer can help you draw a line in this.
It seems that this is the only area he feels he has any control over – and indeed this really silly situation of collecting a cheque etc is demonstration of that. Here’s a thought, get your lawyer, in his response to insist on a DD and you can relieve yourself of that stress.
Good luck. I know its good to talk, usually, but I don’t see why you have to talk to him about this.
March 10th, 2010 at 11:51 pm
Thanks Sharon. All good advice Lx
March 11th, 2010 at 1:40 am
Totally agree about going to the lawyers. But I woudl also want to be in on any conversation he is having wiht the school. He can’t just decide to have discussions with them about your son without including you! Is he using this action as an emotional weapon?
March 11th, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Your mind works the same way as mine. On overdrive. I’m sure you would have a good case if that’s what he’s trying to do. take care.
I hope you don’t mind but I have linked one of your posts to my latest post. ?
x
March 11th, 2010 at 3:17 pm
Course I don’t mind. Thanks for your support Lx
March 14th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
Oh you poor thing – have all fingers and toes crossed it isn’t something bad
hope you’re ok