I am going away and my son has offered to look after the cats and spend time in the house. Do I trust him? Yes, but should you realistically trust any 16 year old boy and/or all their friends? Teenagers are simply designed not to be trusted. It’s in their genes. It’s what they do.
Would he do a good job of looking after the cats? Yes. Of course, (to a degree..not probably very well), but it’s a risk. He’ll no doubt forget a few times and what if they got ill or went missing? Or he had to clean up diarrhoea?
I was not sure what to do, so I rang my trusty parents. They always have good advice – which is strange, because when I was growing up they had no idea and really crap advice at all times.
My father said you need to look at this as two different issues.
1. The cats.
2. A key to the house.
Don’t give him the job of looking after the cats – it’s too responsible for a 16 year old boy – anyway, it will please his father no end if he doesn’t have to do it. It means the cats will be safe and he won’t have an excuse to be there every day. It will be money well spent having them safely out of the way.
Let him keep his key and tell him he can pop to the house to pick up clothes, hang out but if it’s not in the same condition that I left it in there will be a punishment…”oh you know” says my father, “something along the lines of telling him that if it’s a mess you will tattoo his right forearm with “I f*cked up my mother’s life”.
So. Now all I need to do is find out whether I can take out emergency insurance for Facebook parties. What do I google? “House totally trashed by marauding teenagers?”
God. I think I’m going to cancel my holiday it’s all too stressful.
What will I be like by the time my 8 year old is in this position…he will SO not be allowed access to my house. He said this morning as we were discussing my 16 year old’s A level choices “I’m not going to go to university, there’s no need, all I want to do is work in a pub so that I can drink beer all day and you don’t need A levels for that”.
February 11th, 2009 at 7:43 am
Gosh Lulu, I came running over to see what’s up, and can see it’s a biggie! Well, I was in a similar position once and of course Son had a party! Neighbours were very decent about it but threatened to call the police! And I was back the next day! I wouldn’t be happy about being away that long with him having access – as Dusty says, it’s not him, it’s the friends you have to worry about, and because you are not their parents, they just don’t care as much. Tough but true. Have you got a neighbour or friend who would come in and see to the cats? That’s got to be good in two ways – the cats will be fed and watered, and your son won’t know if someone else might be there when he is – especially if the friend/neighbour calls in at odd times to check on the cats. It will be a lot cheaper too, and you can bring said friend back a nice presie. Much as you love your son, (and I know how much you do) it’s a responsibility he’s probably too young to cope with – and a “free” house is just too much of a temptation for them at that age.
Hope it helps – and thank god I don’t have to do that any more! Lots of love M xxx
PS I agree absolutely about the comments on your photos – he’s always going to move the goalposts and any emotion you show about the past will always be negative to him. Just get on with your own life and your own future (look who’s talking!) and don’t look back too often…
February 11th, 2009 at 8:10 am
I wonder if you have a trusted family member, or a friend who would like to house and cat sit whilst you’re away. Maybe your parents would like a change of scene for a week. That would solve the problems of the cat and your son could be left with a key to pop in occasionally and “be trusted”. That’s the solution that my sister has come up with for her 16 year old son and her dogs. Good luck!
February 11th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Thanks for rushing over Margot!! I knew you’d have some good advice – I will get a neighbour to pop in but think will have to grin and bear cost of cattery because no way son will put up with somebody else being allowed random access to feed the cats when I’ve said no to him.
I wish I could get my parents up here – it’s a shame, I don’t think they’d want to – might try my brother though. good idea Lx