I am going to have to somehow find a way to deal with the fact that my ex husband is getting married more effectively. I need to look at it as major closure on a part of my life that is over and learn how to move on. If I don’t do that, then I will sink. If I let every issue get to me I will be eaten up inside and everything that I have tried to do since my divorce will be pointless.
I need to speak to my lawyer about the fact that my ex has already told me that he needs to reduce my maintenance.
I need to rise above each bit of information that I receive from the children about what is happening – each and every time. About the fact that they have already bought their new six bedroomed house and that my daughter has a walk-in wardrobe in her bedroom that is bigger than her room at my house. That the swimming pool is amazing, that the bla, bla fu*king bla is fabulous and bla bla f*cking more bla.
I need to not mind that my ex is having a Christmas eve party with my children and inviting lots of my friends.
I have to stop letting Builder Bloke tell me what their house is like, where it is, that he gives them two years tops and so on and so forth.
I don’t know how to do all that.
But I have started by buying myself a Christmas card (very Mr Bean-esque) that says:-
PEACE.
It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.
I need to stick that onto my forehead – or onto my mirror. Or both. And turn it into a mantra that I repeat to myself every day.
December 15th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
Sorry….know exactly what you are feeling and going through. I try and tell myself not to think about what THEY’RE doing but it’s hard isn’t it. My husband ( still not divorced even though he is now engaged, expecting a baby with new girlfriend and left when our child no 5 was 9 months old!) doesn’t even want to give our children bedrooms….they sleep on sofas whilst he pays thousands in rent for his swanky apartment.
When I’m feeling stronger I AM going to do something for women left in this position…..still figuring out what to do at the moment. Take care. X
December 15th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
That is SO hard….yes, you’re right though – there are lots of people in a similar position – I’ll think too Lx
December 15th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
Very hard to let go of the resentment I know. I don’t tend to write much about these things as I know my ex reads my own blog, but I can empathise. I know it doesn’t always seem that way but for me I always try to hold on to the fact that as I am now bringing our children up single-handed that means that in many ways I am actually the one who got the better deal. I know them so much better than he does and get to experience so much more of their ups and downs. Clearly this can be hard at times but to me this is a thousand times more valuable than a big house, new car or the ability to buy every little thing they ask for.
Not sure if that’s helpful or not but I’ll be wishing you well for Christmas – enjoy some time for yourself on Christmas Eve x
December 15th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
There’s wealth. And then there’s behaving like a decent person. He’s got one, you have the other. Yours will last longer.
December 15th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
It’s what goes on in your house that counts, not the size of the room. Your kids will work it all out eventually, my nephews have. See the solicitor straight away though. You shouldn’t have to starve to help pay for the pool and walk in wardrobe and for heavens sake get the money paid into an account if you can! In Australia the money is automatically taken from his/her salary and paid into the other persons account by a government agency.It works better if the ex is on a salary, rather than self employed, but it sure beats going around to pick up a cheque each fortnight. And finally, if it is any consolation, I think BBs ex sounds like a manipulative psycho and your ex is going to rue the day etc etc. Just wait and think peace and calm.It will come.
December 15th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
You’ll do it! You are stronger than you think. Here’s wishing you the peace you long for… oh and a very Happy Christmas x
December 16th, 2009 at 5:01 am
It’s so hard, isn’t it, to turn the other cheek and try not to mind. I used to have to bite my tongue when the children came home from staying with their father and related all the wonderful things they had done. Talk about the green-eyed monster … there were so many times when I wanted to sit them down and tell them my side of the story – maintenance? What maintenance? Who broke up the marriage? Not me. Off on holiday again is he? Oh, gone already … what about my plans?
It seemed never-ending and I hated myself for being jealous as this is not my thing. And then suddenly I realised that despite it all, I was the winner – I had my children, I had my sanity and I could look at myself in the mirror. He had The Ugly One, he had the hassle of a new family, his children hadn’t stopped loving him but saw him in a different light, and he was never able to look me in the eyes again.
You’ll do it! You have to! And you will come out a stronger and better person for it – promise!
December 16th, 2009 at 9:54 am
That looking in the eyes thing….my ex stopped being able to do that as soon as he started his affair – it’s so much more key than you realise – anyway thanks for your comment – yes green eyed monster is not really me but it’s sitting on my shoulder. Thanks for the lovely message and why can’t I get to your blog? Lx
December 16th, 2009 at 5:09 am
Or you could just allow yourself to feel what you feel, and not make yourself more tense by trying to fit self-imposed rules of good behaviour. You’ve put up with enough already. And your kids aren’t daft. They can see what’s happened.
I will think of you at Christmas. xx
December 16th, 2009 at 10:48 am
For some reason the two forward slashes disappear – however my blog makes for sorry reading!