There is a massive electrical storm going on outside, all fire and brimstone and bright flashing lights and loud rolling thunder, but inside, all seems a little calmer and I think the worst might be over. My daughter appears to be on the mend. She continued vomiting all morning and cried because she was exhausted and her stomach hurt and every time she was sick her headache got even worse and then I spoke to the doctor because her lips were unbelievably dry and she couldn’t keep anything down and she gave me another prescription for anti vomit drugs that I had to go and collect.
I feel as if I can breathe a slight sigh of relief. It’s been a strange 36 hours. It brought back memories of being in hospital with her when she was 10 days old and ill with pneumonia and then again when she was 10 months old and had had a febrile convulsion and on both occasions I slept on the floor next to her cot and willed her to carry on breathing and massaged her tiny chest and talked to her and tried not to cry when they gave her a lumbar puncture and couldn’t find a vein in her arm to put the drip in and every single other aspect of my life disappeared from view as I poured every ounce of myself into her. Is there anything else in life that can make time stand quite so still as that of a sick child?
Although she’s much bigger now, seeing her reduced to a flushed little crumpled heap of compliant, malleable misery is just awful and it makes no difference what age they are. When they look up at you with their hot, sparkling eyes that are pleading with you to make the pain go away, it makes you yearn for their spirited, argumentative, immortal selves again. Tending them and feeding them little sips of water and willing them to get better is a harsh reminder of how much they mean to you and how much you love them even if they make your heart feel as if it’s being slowly pulled inside out.
…and I miss my boys who have been banned from the house temporarily – it is strangely quiet without them.
My youngest child left me a note and a present yesterday and quite honestly even though I often complain about my children and about the fact that I’ve never won anything and never ever had a mention in any prize giving ceremony I’d give up even a gold olympic medal (well maybe that’s pushing it) for this every time:-
What did I do to deserve such posh chocolates I wonder and yes, I am aware that he wrote “lots of luck” first time round and then changed it to “love”. Nothing to do with me. Promise.
July 16th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
hello Lu. SO happy for you & your daughter that the worst is over (and very envious, too, that you have chocolate!!). Love what you wrote re. children/illness … you put it beautifully. Hope you get a good night's sleep. You deserve it. xx
July 16th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
ah man lulu~! a GREAT post….made me get all, aherm, choked up….oooergh.
i HATE it when my kids get sick…desperate..and the awful helplessness that one feels…gawd. motherhood is a one…and then that sweet sweet thank-you note…oh my heart…lovely lovely lovely…xxx j
July 17th, 2009 at 2:12 am
Now that is a wonderful note! bought tears to my eyes! I am so glad that your daughter is getting through it. What a horrible expereince and how frightening for you both.
Its a lovely post Lulu – the recollections and emotions. Really moving.
T xx
p.s. you absolutely deserve them chocs! xxx
July 17th, 2009 at 2:12 am
Ah Madam Ambassador …
It's good isn't when they do that. A very long time ago, Madette held out her arms to their full span and announced that she loved me. I laughingly asked her how much that was. She had a little think and looking from fingertip to fingertip, she proclaimed "To the end of a little girl's arms". It still makes me want to weep.
Mad x
July 17th, 2009 at 2:45 am
What a fabulous affirmation from your son about what a good mother you are.
I do hope your daughter is still feeling better and getting back to being a proper teenager.
xx
July 17th, 2009 at 4:31 am
The note is so sweet, nearly made me cry.
July 17th, 2009 at 4:43 am
Lovely post. I'm so pleased she on the road to recovery, and the note from her is lovely. Enjoy the chocs!
July 18th, 2009 at 5:41 am
What a wonderful post and I'm glad to hear that your daughter is on the mend.
There is nothing like a little message from one of your children to set your heart on fire, is there? I have tried to keep every single one of mine – even the horrid ones!
Hope your daughter is 100% very soon,
Zxxx
July 21st, 2009 at 6:50 am
Aww, all teary now. How lovely. I'd frame it – but I expect he'd be mortified! xx