Family Affairs and other matters

It is that time of year. Previously, my most dreaded time of year. My reports were always appalling – so bad that they used to have to try really hard to find positive things to say, such as “she is very good at drinking her milk” (pre-Thatcher child). All I remember is an endless array of comments like, “disappointing” and “distracted” and “could try harder” and “I note that she pretends to sing in the choir” (how did she know?).

All three of my children have had their reports in and they are all pretty good. I have very low expectations of my childrens reports, so am always anticipating the worst. But they really weren’t bad.

14 year old:

He did really badly in his end of year exams, but I don’t think it matters terribly. He starts his GCSE’s in September and that is when he needs to start taking things a bit more seriously. He said, “mum, read my PE report first, it’s great”…I read it last. Much better. His Biology report was quite funny: “His performance in biology this year has been rather variable. He can do extremely well, with a very detailed essay on “My Life as a Sperm”, but 3/10 for his homework on embryonic development. Inevitably some areas of biology are more mundane than others, but the good news is there will be plenty of blood and guts to keep his attention next year”.

Various comments about his “laid-back” attitude and “disappointing exam results” and “lots of work needed through the summer holidays”, but as he predicted, his PE report was fab “He is probably the most gifted all round Sportsman in his year”. A fine achievement, well done!”

11 year old:

Hers was great. I recognise myself in some of the comments – bit too much socialising and “at times she is unsure of how to begin a narrative and this lack of ideas reflects on the finished piece. she also needs to check her work carefully for syntactical and grammatical errors” is definitely me.

6 year old:

A “friendly and popular member of the class who always has a smile on his face”. How good is that? I’m actually really pleased, because he was the one most affected by the divorce and it’s lovely to know that he is OK. “His level of motivation can vary according to his level of interest in the lesson” (doesn’t that relate to everybody?). “His cheeky sense of humour has kept me and the rest of the class enterntained this year” (no surprises there then). One slightly concerning comment was “he is at his most confident when writing about familiar real-life situations and I particularly enjoyed reading his recount of a morning before school”. I dread to think what he said. It will no doubt be hugely embarrassing.

He’s on schedule to pick up a choir comment similar to mine very soon. He has choir after school today but hates it. “Please can I stop going, it’s really boring, all you do is sing”.