I have become needy. It’s what I do if I don’t have somebody specific that I can care about and vice versa. Without a significant other I am pathetic. I don’t blame myself for that. It’s not great at my age to not have a partner. In fact it’s rubbish…and I’ll warn you now that the closer I get to my birthday (November) the worse I’m going to get. I wonder if it’s a Scorpio thing. Rather than a sad on my own thing.
I keep leaving messages for friends and then messages on top of messages because they are not phoning me back. Which immediately leads me to assume that they must be dead. Or badly injured. So I carry on leaving messages until I have become a stalker. Then they phone back and explain that they have a life to lead and all is fine. THEY”RE JUST A BIT BUSY GETTING ON WITH THEIR OWN LIVES. “Oh. Sorry”. I say. “It’s just I’ve got all this extra space in my life and I need to fill it – do you want to play with me?”….and I can hear them wanting to say “well amuse your bloody self then. Go and learn how to be on your own”.
I do try. A bit.
Honest.
It’s just that I really don’t like solitude very much. Probably it’s a bit like being a child in bed and wanting the door to remain slightly open with the hall light on. I blame my father for waving cigarettes about in my room. I bet I’m damaged because of that.
Even my children think I’m being pathetic. Yesterday, when I had inadvertently left my blog open for them to see he said to me “mum you are such a sad LOSER – I can’t believe you’ve been begging for comments. YOU ARE PATHETIC”.
He’s right. Sorry. I won’t do it again.
I’ll have to think of somebody else to annoy.
Anybody want to come speed dating with me?
October 15th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Hang in there. (Did you get that trombone yet?) But seriously, in my sad, newly single-and-alone state last year, I dusted off my old guitar and found immense comfort there.
I didn't respond to your plea the other day because many others already had, but I look forward to reading your blog everyday!
October 15th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
FA so sorry.. have been out of touch having junior so missed the bit about builder bloke.. where's he gone?
Keep your chin up and buy the Stiegg Larsson trilogy.. that should distract you for a few weeks.. excellent reading.
BM x
October 15th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
I will join you in the November birthday looming blues. I am just the same for different reasons. Think it just brings to the surface life not being how you thought it was going to be.
xx
October 15th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
I can't think of anything scarier than speed dating – the thought of having to make a good/lasting/positive impression in a few minutes would make me either tongue tied or alternatively not come up for breathe and not let the other person get a word in! I too read your blog daily. I had only read political/newspaper blogs until I googled Dulwich Art Gallery, found Dulwich Divorcee (!!!) and started clicking on links. Yours was one of the blogs where I went back to the start and read all of it and now I check it most days. I love the variety of your posts and how different your life is to mine in Australia so don't get too busy to blog!
October 15th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
Yes – I too should have left a comment on your other post … but…
well – what is there to say – except that I am so pathetic that I deleted my blog and started another one up but am afraid to show it should my (soon to be ex) husband find it.
Honestly – I don't know what I'd do without your posts – and yes – if I did happen to live within your continent I would love to come speed dating with you (but only to check the talent quickly and then go have loads of wine with you). See – pathetic!
October 15th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
Think may be Scorpio thing , birthdays are BIG in the scorpio constellation!!
October 16th, 2009 at 5:48 am
I think your reaction to your situation is normal – it's tough to be alone when you've been used to having someone there. I like my own company now and then but it's enjoyable because I know I have a wife to come back to; it would be a quite different matter to be on my own and know there was no one to share things, to chat to about this and that, to watch a DVD with or go out for a meal.
So, no I don't think you're a sad loser at all – just someone trying to get to grips with her life that has taken some nasty, unexpected turns.
Bon weekend!
October 16th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
Such a shame we are not in the same country. I am mainly on my own most evenings like billy no mates too. I have even started hankering after the idea of living in a house of single 'parents' – just for the adult company/instant kid playdates/free babysitting opportunities. Living communal style just seems to make so much sense rather than alone. It just doesn't feel at all natural to be at this stage of life and not sharing it with someone that you have carved a life out with.
I get it. Just wish i could be there. xx
October 18th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Thanks Karin – why can't I get through to your blog?
Thanks BM – yes you've been busy with new babies – BB hasn't gone far….yet.
OK Jo, we'll do a huge birthday thing and celebrate everything we have got Lx
Thanks Lynda and anon for your comments and Imo can you come back for your scorpio celebrations?
Thanks DD for you words – made me feel even more sorry for myself but most appreciated anyway x
Nicola – not sure how you can console me with your tales of green eyed sex god attending to your every need Lx