Family Affairs

“FORGIVE AND FORGET”

John Prescott’s wife of 48 years was reported yesterday in the paper saying that she has still not forgiven him for having an affair with his secretary, “because to forgive is to condone”. Well that’s an interesting thought. Forgiving isn’t condoning in my book – she says she can now “get away with [...]

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SCHOOL FRIENDS

My youngest and most sensitive child is feeling a bit low. He spends his life fluctuating between thinking life is brilliant one minute and thinking life is shit the next. I can go from being the best mum in the world where he buys me a Terry's Chocolate Orange and hides it in my bed to somebody who has somehow managed to ruin his life in a millisecond. He is feeling a little sad at school. Sometimes he decides that nobody likes him or wants to come back to his house for a play after school and then suddenly the whole world seems to be against him and he drags himself up the road to school and other times he positively bounces. This was not helped yesterday by being asked by his teacher to talk to another little girl in the class about how it feels to have separated parents. I think it's a good thing that the teacher has asked him to talk about it, I hope he did manage to make her feel a little less isolated, but I'm not sure. "Mum, she's really sad. The teacher asked me to talk to her because her parents are just splitting up and he said that because my parents have already split up maybe I could help her. I didn't know what to say to her. I told her that she had to just try not to think about it too much. To just get on with other things. She said did she just have to stick her chin out and I'm not sure what she meant, but I told her that it's not easy and that sometimes I'm still sad about it". "That was really lovely of you to talk to her" I told him "and did you tell her that sometimes it's not all bad? That you get to have two houses and more holidays and sometimes even new families to play with?" "Well, no mum, I didn't, because that is just not true. It's not better to have any of those things. It's worse. It wouldn't have made her feel better". ...and then my heart just breaks a little bit more for him.

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“EVERY OTHER WEEKEND” RULE

I have just realised that there is a finite amount of time when you're divorced or separated with children that the "every other weekend" rule applies. To be honest, it is one of the most painful aspects of a separation to have to manage the sharing out of the children like they are little commodities with overnight bags. Especially for the one who doesn't get to live with them anymore. When they're very young, it is a total nightmare and we have spent a huge amount of time arguing over the logistics. Now my children are older, we have to consider their own plans and so it is all starting to get a little more blurred around the edges. This, I guess is a good thing. One less thing to stress about. At some time in the future, there will be no more "his" and "my" weekends. Just weekends. However, things will change again when my ex moves next month into his six bedroom house about 45 minutes away by car - initially I guess it's going to go back to a more rigid routine as they will have to be driven to his new house and can't then get themselves back. Once he's married, I'm not sure how it will work. I wonder how my children will feel going to their "other" house and sharing their space with three more children and a new "stepmother". At what age are they allowed to put their foot down and say they don't want to go? At what point do I relent and find myself with absolutely no time off from my kids because they'd rather stay closer to where their friends are (I am under no illusions that it will have anything to do with wanting to stay with me). My ex has told my teenage son that when he has passed his driving test he will pay for the insurance of the car so that he can drive my other two children up and down the motorway to his new house. Over my dead body. I can't think of anything worse than letting my 17 year old newly qualified with no experience risk an accident with my two other children in the car. What a nightmare. I need to quickly arrange some new government legislation - like they have in the US that a new driver can't drive any passengers until they've been driving for a year. Much better. I have the kids for the next three weekends, but this weekend they've all been busy doing stuff. My ex took the boys to the Sunderland Vs Chelsea football match yesterday. I wasn't expecting, when he picked them up to see Builder Bloke's ex sitting in the car with her children outside my house - studiously looking in the other direction. Obviously I know the children well - it's a shame - they clearly weren't allowed to get out to come and say hello and I certainly wasn't going to go out and greet them. I had a pang of ...what? Not jealousy, but something....perhaps it's just because it's all still so raw and new. I had to turn it round and look at it from another perspective. Did I want to be going to a football match in the rain with six children? No bloody way. Did I want to be sitting in the Sunderland stand with my ex watching the team get slaughtered 7-2? No bloody way. Anyway, my teenage son said it was the worst experience of his entire life. I went to a lovely 40th birthday party last night. I sort of got invited as my friend's plus 1, but knew lots of people and was very pleased to have been there...I like knowing people who are only just 40 - even if the gorgeous, very young looking party girl kept complaining about all the new wrinkles she has acquired.

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HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOUR PARTNER WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR?

OK.  A big reason for adding different tabs to my blog was so that I could do a bit more with the divorced aspect of my life without boring the pants off my happily married/single/living together friends.  It is not easy being divorced.  Far from it. But.  Perhaps for those of us who are separated [...]

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PARENT TEACHER CONSULTATIONS

Tis the season of “Parent/Teacher Consultations”. Do teachers hate these sessions as much as I think they do? It must be really awful having to listen to parents bore you stupid about their little protegees. Or maybe it’s not like that and that is why I am not a [...]

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SAD LOSER

I have become needy. It’s what I do if I don’t have somebody specific that I can care about and vice versa. Without a significant other I am pathetic. I don’t blame myself for that. It’s not great at my age to not have a partner. In fact it’s rubbish…and [...]

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POST WEDDING BLUES

“Mum”, my youngest child said to me before school “I am reluctant to go to school today”. “Good word” I said, “what’s the problem – what are you upset about?” “Nothing” he replied, “I was just checking out the word”. He was a little upset last night. When he’s tired and he’s been with his father, he [...]

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