Teenagers | Family Affairs and other matters

Tag Archive | "teenagers"

HAIRY ARMPITS AND WHAT TO DO ON YOUR GAP YEAR

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Well that was an embarrassing class I've just taught. I was wearing a new hoody thingy over my vest top. Black. Halfway through the class when I'd got a bit hot and sweaty I took it off and carried on teaching. We were all facing the mirror and I was at the front. I raised my arms above my head to do a back stretch which everyone copied. To my dismay the black fluffy new bits of the fleece had all amassed into the crevice of each armpit. I looked like I had gorilla armpits. Big black hairy patches with a little bit of chest hair for good measure as well. Suddenly I had to completely change my routine to anything that allowed my arms to be by my sides whilst surreptitiously attempting when possible to scrape off the fluff. Which wouldn't come off. In the meantime I had several texts and phone calls from my teenage son that loudly vibrated in the corner. WHAT IS IT WITH TEENAGE BOYS THAT MEANS THAT THEY HAVE TO BE ANSWERED IMMEDIATELY?? If I don't respond, there is a reason. I'M WORKING. He now has some jobs so thinks the world is supposed to revolve around him. He's done well so far finding jobs here and there. He's got a bar job that pays £6.00 an hour which is only just above the minimum wage. Did an event at Madame Tussaud's the other evening and again, whilst the pay is crap was delighted because after a 10 hour shift he can make a reasonable amount. "So when are you going on your gap year?" said my youngest son whilst we were all eating together the other day. "Umm, I'm on it actually" he said. "What? You are actually on your gap year?? What actually now? Whilst you're eating baked beans on toast at home?" he asked incredulously. "I thought you were supposed to be on a desert island or something?". "Yeah. Well that comes later....when I've made some money". So today - all day, he is busy making money. Today he has a labouring job. Then he has an hour off before he does a 5 hour shift at the pub this evening. He's going to be knackered. Thus he was up with all of us for the first time in about two years at 7am which caused havoc with our one bathroom. My other two children were not amused. Then there was much discussion about what he should be wearing and ten minutes of me trying to untie the laces on a pair of shoes he needed. Whether he should take a packed lunch etc. I offered to cook him some eggs "NO I HAVEN'T GOT TIME" he shouted as he left the house with a piece of toast wedged between his teeth. 10 minutes later I got my first text saying "mum, I've forgotten a pair of gloves - can you drop some off after you've dropped the others at school?". God. Yes. OK. Find gloves. Leave 5 minutes earlier in order to do a detour to him. THEN fifteen minutes later came the second text "mum, can u drop my cigarettes off please?" "Are u joking?" I said. "No, the builder smokes and I've left them at home - pleeeease". Forget it. Stop smoking. He was meant to be going to university today. I had it in my diary. His friend has gone without him now and his mother texted me to say how sad he was that my son wasn't there with him and how bad she felt about leaving him there alone. I discussed it with my son. "Mum, he said" rolling his eyes, "he's absolutely fine. He's just sent me a text saying "beer £1.36 and the fittest people I have ever seen". All good then.

WHERE R U???

Sunday, September 4, 2011

5 Comments

Good grief. This is all so stressful. Perhaps I should simply blame the person who invented mobile phones and instant text messaging. Because after last week’s incident with my teenage son, when he doesn’t respond straight away to a text message, I immediately begin to worry. Even worse was that another mother rang me earlier [...]

AN INCIDENT

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

23 Comments

I KNEW something was wrong. I didn't sleep again the night before last, tossed and turned and listened to my pounding heart and kept thinking, why am I so worried about my 18 year old son's future career? We can sort something out. What is the problem? But then I got that call, the one that explains your fear and suddenly everything else pales into a very different sort of perspective because all you want is for them all to still be alive. Just every parents nightmare. I had a call at 9.00am from one of the mother's of the boys inter-railing with my son. There are six of them travelling around Europe together. She said:- "Have you heard?" "No - heard what?" "There's been an incident" Heart stops. Fear. Cold sweats. Hairs up on the back of my neck. "What sort of incident?" "A fight. They all got into a fight in a bar" "Are they all OK?" "I don't know...no...not really" They're in Krakow, Poland. That's all I know. What has happened? Where do you start? Then all her words just merged into a terrifying frenzy of panic:- "one of them has been glassed in the face...eye...blood everywhere... ambulance ...stitches ..police ...four of them have been arrested...detention centre ... assault charges ... no phones ... can't talk to them ...others in hospital... and so on. I called my son. Phone off. I called his father, my ex husband and we kept each other updated all day, tried to piece together what happened and formulate some sort of plan of attack. Jumbled messages came in all morning. I spoke to other parents. Suddenly we had Consul people involved, friends on the ground who were able to find out some information for us and all day I tried not to be sick, tried not to fear the worst. Tried to get a balance between one of the dad's near total lack of concern because everything would be fine, they'd definitely be released to thoughts of "Midnight Express". Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. After a long long day of panic the plan was that his father was going to fly out. Find translators. Speak to the police. See what was to happen next. But at 7pm my ex called me to let me know one of them had been released and that they were proposing to release them all in 35 minute intervals. I called the father of the released boy and told him the news - he hadn't heard and I said "hooray! At least you know he's safe" and he said "I will not be happy until they are all released. They are in this together. They are a team, but thanks for letting me know". Five minutes later he called me back. "Have you heard?" he said. "No. What?". Panic again. "They've all been released". I can't tell you that feeling of relief. It makes you want to cry. Son called 10 minutes later. Sounded absolutely fine. More grown up in fact. Told me about the incident and again it all merged, this time into a blurry haze of relief that everyone is OK. One of his friend's has 26 stitches in his face, but his eye is fine. 26 STITCHES!! Who the fuck glasses people in the face. Despicable. mum, it wasn't our fault....bar..glassed my friend....but then the attacker nearly died because he managed to sever an artery in his wrist with one of the shards of glass...police were fine...they knew it wasn't our fault....we're all OK...what?...dad's coming out!....GOOD ONE MUM!....seriously?....it's all been blown out of proportion...OK I'll call him....no, of course we're not all coming home...we're carrying on...everyone is fine....don't worry....don't worry.... Daughter adds but I only vaguely hear her ..."this might be a good time to tell you that he's had an eyebrow piercing mum"....yes, very good time, don't give a shit, very, very good timing, I will probably care tomorrow, but today (only today), he can cover his entire body in whatever he wants as long as he comes back safely. Sometimes, I really really hate being a mother. You have to wear your heart on the outside most of the time anyway, but at times like this it's as if somebody is slicing it up into little bits. I wish there was a way we could protect them all more effectively. "Here is my arm, my son, wear it well, it will protect you against the dark forces". But you can't (which is probably a relief because we would both look stupid). You just have to hope and pray to something or someone that they will be looked after and then send up little imaginary cotton wool protectors for them all to wear AT ALL TIMES. Be safe. Be safe. Be safe.

TEENAGERS….

Saturday, August 13, 2011

3 Comments

In a "be careful what you wish for" sort of moment, having pined about the thought of not having my children about all week and worrying about being bored and lonely I was unexpectedly given the chance not to be - suddenly overnight, I had the responsibility of looking after an 18 year old spectacularly gorgeous Aussie male. He's been touring about Europe and staying with me most of this week - it's a huge shame my son hasn't been around for him to play with. They used to go to nursery together - haven't seen each other since they were 5, but I know they'll get on. Luckily he hasn't been bored - it wasn't at all difficult to enlist the help of my son's girlfriend and her merry band of friends to "look after him". His parents are very good friends of mine who moved back Sydney a long time ago now. I love that we're going to be able to share our kids as they go global. I'm sure it's the start of a long line of youths from around the world needing a bed in London (and I'm sure my kids wouldn't turn down the offer of a bed in Sydney either!). Perhaps I should make it a business. I could open a hostel.....Nope. Bad idea. Being new to this game it's a little difficult to know just how to treat them. Should I be taking him out every day sightseeing? Or simply leave him to his own devices? Should I wake him before noon? Involve him in everything that I'm doing? Seduce him? (joke). He hasn't been a problem at all. Great company in fact. I took him to see my brother and his wife last night. We had a BBQ and although he was meant to go and see some mates, he seemed to be having so much fun he made them join us. Late. By which time we were all talking bollocks about rude and inappropriate things in an effort to show off (felching and Bukkake - sp? pronunciation? were mentioned I recall, as was why my brother chose to wear a minor's light on his head to cook the meat and so was shagging). Pathetic really. We felt a bit sorry for his friends because all three of them appeared to be relatively sober, until suddenly, just as I was trying to work one of their accents (is it Scottish? Or Australian? Or American?) he discreetly announced he was just popping off down the road for a TC*. Came back and carried on (no then, accent not relevant - just pissed and slurry). Anyway, I'm not taking my duties too seriously. I suspect my job is simply to ensure that he enjoys himself, doesn't die and gets on a plane home some time soon. He was previously travelling around Greece on a moped (sadly 3 of his friends had a very bad accident on a quad bike and one is still in hospital with a ruptured liver). He survived the chance of being gored by a bull in Pamplona (is it just Australians and a few locals who are mad enough to do that? Sadly an Aussie died this year I gather) and he has survived arriving in London during the riots. When his mother and I met all those years ago with our gorgeous little boys, we used to sit and watch them do ballet performances together, play Firemen Sam together, poke each other with sticks and we honestly couldn't have dreamt that we would be having conversations like the following just a few years (well 14 years) later.... Here is some of the email correspondence I've had this week with his mother:- HER Hi How are you? Hope you’re having a nice summer break although I did see that the UK has had some rain recently. Unexpectedly J is booked on a flight to London (Gatwick) and arrives in London tomorrow at 6pm. I don’t know if he has rung you at all but I was wondering if you were around and was there any chance of him staying at your place. Don’t know if that will suit. If not, that’s fine he can book himself into a hostel. He’s due back in Sydney next Wednesday 17TH so his flight must be leaving on Monday 15TH. Hope he's not too smelly. ME Of course it's fine. No problem at all. He hasn't called me but I'm sure he will. Sadly R is not here until Saturday. But I'm sure I can find him some friends to play with in the meantime. ME Just to let you know yr son is asleep in R's bed and safe from the riots - I think his lip pirecing looks cute!!! HER Thx so much for letting me know. Glad he's tucked up safe in your house. I was a little anxious when I read that Clapham Junction was one of the places hit and he was having to stop there. And then read that they hit a Restaurant in Notting Hill. It's unbelievable. And thanks for that bit about the lip.......I'm sure I'm going to think it's cute too......Not!!!!! Just as long as his teeth don't rot and fall out. That would be $7000 of Orthodontic work down the drain! Thanks again. ME All good although i have temporarily lost him.... Bought him a razor and a toothbrush and he is looking positively human! We had dinner on Wed night with my Aussie friends and of course they all knew the same people!! R's girlfriend took him out for a HUGE night after that - right into riot land (although all calm now) in Tottenham Court Road to "Cheapskates". God. 99p shots I gather and he got in at 4am. We had a brief chat when he got up about midday and then he went to see his mates. He stayed there last night so I am waiting for him to get up and return my text. Not sure what his plans are today but we'll talk. I am hearing mumblings about an extension on his flight? That is absolutely fine by me if it works for you. He's just lovely. No problem at all. Lxx HER Thanks for the update and so glad to hear that R's girlfriend clearly let him astray by "dragging" him into the middle of riot land.....I bet he's annoyed he's only just discovered this place at the end of his journey with shots for 99p. His friends would have loved a place like that. Insider information certainly does help! I hate to think what he looked like when you first saw him. Was it bum fluff on the chin? And did the piercing fall out while he was shaving?? Thanks for being flexible with him and his plans. Hope he's not getting in your way at all. And isn't it a small world with who knows who. Haven't heard from him at all so I have assumed he's been out and about (or asleep). Will try and call tomorrow. It's 11pm and I'm going to bed for 3 hours before I have to get up again to pickup daughter from an "after's" Party after their school social. Does that happen in London? For their "formals" they have "pre's", the formal and then "after's" at someone house. I didn't even see her as she got changed at a friend's house but all I know is that the dress is ridiculously short and she is wearing 10 inch heels. And then I have to set the alarm for 6.15am as she has an early netball match. Don't think the goals will be going in tomorrow somehow after only 3 hours sleep! ME Ha ha - couldn't see any fluff on his chin - he just mentioned he needed a razor - perhaps for his chest hairs then? I guess it's a bit difficult to shave around a piercing? Although it's on his lip - don't think he's got hairy lips? - OK will stop thinking about the logistics of that now... He's texted so now I'll just wait another three hours for him to respond to my second text - R's GF (oddly) very happy to lead him astray again tonight - think they're going clubbing. He suggested I go with them??? Is he mad??? Tempting though. The local girls are all pretty impressed with the Aussie boys I think. An "AFTERS" party?? - thats just taking the piss. He should be here after being out tonight but don't call before 2pm ME He's still alive..... R came back late last night so they went out for a bit, but don't think they got in anywhere as it was all "over 21's" rule - so came back quite early. He's been hoping I would spill the beans on some stories about you guys - the only acceptable one I've told him was about our New Year's eve party in Scotland and about how the men wore kilts and then took photos of their testicles underneath the table!! (Sorry - think I might still have the evidence somewhere). Not sure of plans in next few days, but he'll just hang out with R now - we'll probably do a BBQ here tonight if I can locate my other two children now they're all back from Portugal. * TC = Tactical Chunder

TEENAGERS ON TOUR

Monday, August 8, 2011

5 Comments

As the proud owner of an 18 year old on the brink of leaving home (assuming he gets the results required to get into the university of his choice) I am beginning to learn how to let go and stop worrying about him when he's out of my sight. Given that finishing A Levels appears to be the excuse to pack in about eight different post exam holidays where they don't appear to get any sleep for days on end, to worry about them daily would simply result in a heart attack I suspect. He is about to embark on an 3 week tour of "cheap beers" around Europe with five of his friends. The thought of it fills me with horror. In my day, when we all went inter-railing around Europe our parents simply had to wave us off with our rucksacks and hope for the best. Now we have a means of spying on them, of tracking their route. Sort of like giving them a bar code or a little mini camera to put on to their heads. We can check in and even sometimes expect a reply. Now that he's 18 he has finally added me as a "friend" on Facebook so that I can see what they're all up to. Initially I was delighted - how wonderful to be able to share in his experience, but I have to say it's not for the weak hearted and I'm wondering if perhaps it was better for my parents who were blissfully ignorant about what we all got up to. Mostly it's all rather horrifying and you wish you hadn't looked... My friend called me this morning. "OMIGOD, I've just had a look at Jack's photos and I'm quite sure, although his head is turned to the side that it's not a spot he's got on his lower lip, IT"S A NEW PIERCING! I'm going to kill him." I too discovered that my son had allowed himself to be branded with yet another tattoo whilst on holiday recently in Cyprus. Then you have to look at photos of them behaving badly in nightclubs and dancing on tables - "who ARE all those people he's with?" I constantly think to myself. Still, it's a brave new world out there and we might as well get on it with them and I guess it's reassuring to know they're still alive. What do you think?

WILLY STRAW

Monday, July 18, 2011

2 Comments

OH YAY. A late “house” present from teenage son just back from revolting holiday. It’s a drinking straw – initially I thought it was quite a sweet little straw of a ghecko or some other species of lizard, but on closer inspection (god it’s got veins and everything) …..:-

TEENAGERS ON HOLIDAY

Friday, July 8, 2011

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I am both delighted and terrified that two out of my three children are away on holiday without me having the time of their lives I hope. I kissed my teenage son goodbye at 6am this morning and watched him pile into a car with loads of other mates whooping and cheering like a band [...]

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