Take for example the other night when I was invited as “media” to attend a lecture on Namibia. In manner of proper professional I got there on time at 6pm in order to fit in a few complimentary drinks and mingle but this required leaving my 10 year old boy in the care of my 15 year old daughter for two hours before the babysitter could get there. Really, you would think this would be fine. TWO HOURS together. How hard can it be? Well, too hard apparently because half way through the lecture I got a text from my ex husband saying that it wasn’t working and our youngest child was very upset. Well, I’m sorry, but I do think they should have been able to sort it out on their own and if my ex wants me to do more work then this sort of thing might happen more regularly. Now he wants to meet me to discuss their behaviour. I don’t think there’s much behaviour to discuss to be honest. They are siblings. Quite a lot of the time they have nothing more in common than a few genes and a shared house – which can really piss them off.

I managed to separate them long enough yesterday to spend “quality” time with my daughter as she was particularly keen to take me to The Wolseley for my Mother’s Day coffee which appears to have become an annual event. SHE ACTUALLY PAYS!!! Miracle of miracles. Although obviously it works in her favour because then we are scarily close to a very large Top Shop and an Urban Outfitters – both of which I wandered around with a puzzled look on my face, because I just don’t get the clothes any more. I am going to have to find different shops to buy my clothes – although elasticated high waists tucked into nylon shirts do seem to be in so perhaps I should try and stay cutting edge and/or old lady….

Seriously, if you are ever in London, near the Ritz then go for coffee/breakfast/lunch and/or dinner at The Wolseley – it’s just the most wonderful building and arguably their cappuccino is the best you can get anywhere in the world.

Just look at it:

My daughter had hot chocolate in a bowl:-

(YES it was noted that she got a heart shape and I didn’t….)

OOH and on the way to Top Shop we popped into the Mulberry Shop to drool and found the teeny weeniest Alexa bag in existence – how cute? Sadly even this size it was just under £200.00!:-

Don’t get me wrong, we had a really lovely time being helped by the gorgeous Honey and her trusty assistant who were both unbelievably young and trendy. They spent two hours advising us on what we should be wearing. I of course preferred all the clothes they had put out for my daughter and therefore ended up spending WAY too much money looking like a teenager:-

I am now feeling ashamed of myself for getting so carried away. Need to start taking some things back. However, it did give me an idea of what sort of things will be in this spring/summer and what I should be wearing. I now have some skinny jeans with zips (although flares on their way back apparently), a see-through shirt with gold buttons and some ankle boots with buckles that I can’t walk in AT ALL. Oh and a FAB black jacket with satin lapels like a tuxedo jacket to wear with jeans that is apparently ALL the rage….but what do I know.

Nevermind.

We even got to eat cupcakes:-

So maybe I’ll buy the jacket (although it says it’s sold out). But then what? I’ve checked in “Vogue” magazine. They are recommending shorts and a nordic look and slouchy handbags that only cost £1000.00. Also indigo and tweed, over the knee boots or ankle boots and velvet. Not good when you’re in your 40′s with three children roaming around the suburbs and need to use money to feed and clothe above mentioned children – rather than strolling around looking like Puss-In-Boots.

Can I still wear my bootleg jeans or did they go out several years ago? I can’t do skinny jeans – I look ridiculous. All my skirts are too long. Although if I’m completely honest I don’t know what length they should be. Everybody is wearing leggings and long cardigans. I look horrible in both.

I asked my fashion conscious friend. She said short skirts, opaque tights, chunky boots. But what if you hate your knees? What tops should I wear?

OH NO. HELP. Having major fashion crisis.

My daughter says go retro – Blazers, shoulder pads and glitter.

WHAT WILL I LOOK LIKE? Sheena Easton or something out of Bananarama.

I really don’t think I can do shoulder pads (although the above jacket has them).

I can’t even find a shop I like anymore. I’ve always loved “Jigsaw” but even that feels too young these days and I can’t afford the more expensive labels.

Any advice girls?

Note to 3 male readers: Dumdad – what are they wearing in rural France these days? G in Scotland – you’re usually fab at fashion and M in the country – you might know?