I am a majorly unpopular mother this morning.
One of the more difficult roles of motherhood – especially as they get older, is having to make the decision as to whether your child is well enough to go to school or not. Over the years I have learnt that if you are feeling brave enough to question their symptoms and their determination to stay at home then once you’ve verbalised the fact that you think they should go to school you simply have to stick with it and refuse all pleas. Because you will get a lot of pleas and it is relentless and exhausting and a little bit distressing to have to play the big bad mum role and drag them in to school kicking and screaming. There is always that concern in the back of your mind that you might have it wrong and they are indeed seriously ill. Obviously it wasn’t a problem when my youngest tried to stay at home with “period pains” a few years ago, or when my teenage son had stomach cramps that turned out to be due to too many sit-ups or when my daughter’s forehead was still wet with hot water that she’d used to try and convince me she had a temperature….
Sometimes, even if they’re not ill it’s important to look at the underlying factors of why they have decided to try and chuck a sickie (as they say in Oz). I was hugely damaged as a child by my mother who was once phoned by the school to come and collect me after I had just been sick in the loo – she then proceeded to march me to the offending cubicle to see the evidence and then told me that she didn’t believe me and promptly drove back home without me. Leaving me feeling publicly humiliated. Harsh. She was right, I hadn’t been sick and I don’t remember why I wanted to go home, but I don’t think she should have left me at school. It’s the bit I remember most.
On Tuesday my daughter was off sick with a “headache”. She went to bed early. Didn’t eat much. Felt really ill in the morning. Could hardly open her eyes. Stayed in bed all day (that’s my rule) and was fine by the following evening. But I did realise later that her headache managed to make an appearance conveniently after seeing “New Moon” but before any homework could be done.
Last night my teenage son had the same thing. “A splitting headache”. It’s a good one. I have to admit. Because it requires no temperature, sore throat or other signs of general illness. He went to bed early. Couldn’t possibly get up. Was holding his head. All I said was “I can’t make the decision for you then, I’m going to just have to believe you but are you sure you haven’t got any tests or anything that you’ve got to do at school today?”.
He was quite sure.
Therefore, when I checked his school diary and found that he has an economics test today I’m afraid I told him he had to go to school. He did seem to have genuinely forgotten about it (right) but still, I felt bad because he was very cross with me. He wouldn’t eat any breakfast and went off in a huff. I told him I’d come and pick him up from school after his test if he was still feeling bad. So we’ll see. I really hope he’s OK.
My friend has just had to drive to collect her son from university. He’s got mumps! Not good in a boy that age. What strange things you pick up in your late teens at college. When I arrived back from Hong Kong to go to college in London, in the first year I managed to get ring worm and German Measles!!
November 26th, 2009 at 10:40 am
unless its a migraine, a couple of panadol should make school tolerable. would you let someone stay off work with a headache?
November 26th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Def not a migraine, but he said the pills weren’t making any difference. Still. No word from school yet! Lx
November 26th, 2009 at 11:05 am
we first off, I’ve thrown a sickie, a legitimate one…l’ve been off work since Saturday, veyr bad head cold, whihc is better, but the cough and ‘gunk’ ha sbunged me p and l have painfl sinusitus now. Have taken the weekened off so l dont go back till MOnday… AM l bad…I feel guilty…but Ive had no time off sick this whole year so Tampis!
The kids always seem to acquiesce and go along with my decision on whether they stay off school. Perhaps the rule l have always taken that if you are off school, then you must stay in bed and sleep. They dont have tv’s, but laptops and no laptop tihe mid afternoon. Most often they dont bother. They go back to school when they had eaten ‘normally’ for one day. SOn was off three days last week this cold, daughter is in bed asleep with a double lung infection. She is prone. and now admittedly l feel she ‘works it ‘ a bit.
As a child you always see the signs that somethings wrong…..y sons ears go red, my daughters chin develops a dimple….but these last few weeks she has been very moody…we contacted the school to find out if anything was amiss…she is on track with all work…so I prodded a little about her ‘private’ life….figured that she was just hormonal and didnt like us much just now! Monday she wa shot then cold and admitted to having a headache for weeks!! (a few days) she kept saying she would got o doctor, now that she is nearly 18 I give her space here…but she fails to phone them…so took control and took her to doctor. she went in herself. Thats strange in itself, the ties are undone and flying in the breeze behind me. After all that I missed that she was sickening…..
it ain’t easy girlfriend!
Saz aka FFF & MMM
Can I copy this onto MMM? please.
November 26th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Yes of course you can….so difficult isn’t it with kids as they get older to know where to step in and when to leave them to make their own decisions Lx
November 26th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Being new to this parenting lark and having spent 50 years in rude good health, I find myself in the “show me the blood and vomit” camp, much to the irritation of The Children’s Mother.
Two years of ME and I have mellowed a little, though I have to say that our girls are pretty good about skiving. No1 is so determined to be a Vet that she would crawl over broken glass to get to school and No2 has just come to accept that failure to do home work just involves a few tears and a silent drive to school!!!
It has to be said that Jonny, The Children’s Mother’s son, was pretty convincing when he returned home from kickboxing on Tuesday night white as a sheet. He had dislocated a shoulder!!
November 26th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Ouch. Poor Johnny – yes generally I need to see something tangible – good for your daughter to be so focused about being a vet Lx
November 30th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Came here via Reluctant Memsahib’s blog.
You’re so right. These decisions require the wisdom of Solomon. I have a no tv rule for ill children, but then am required to entertain them when they are convalescent and bored and grumpy.
The school here is very dedicated to the idea that every child must do every piece of work, so if you are ill, you get a stack of worksheets to do. That helps the decision-making.
November 30th, 2009 at 7:45 pm
Hello, iota, nice to meet you – we don’t seem to get worksheets here when they’re ill. Lx