Family Affairs and other matters

Thank you to Sally Whittle at Getting Ink for compiling a “Top 100 British Parent Blogs and Bloggers” list. Somehow I’ve come in at 27. I don’t know how. 

Especially since I seem to have momentarily forgotten that I have any children. So I thought that I’d better rectify the situation in case anybody pops over to see what sort of parent I am:-

TEENAGE SON.

Allegedly revising for GCSE’s. This so far consists of the following:-

• Eating 8 packets of digestive biscuits before dragging himself upstairs.
• Printing off 359 pages of revision timetables and ruining my printer.
• Disappearing upstairs but shouting down every 10 minutes for food. Seems to think it is his god given right to demand food whilst revising. Probably is. 
• Popping down to watch “Lost”, “Skins” and “90210″ in endless “breaks”.
• Going to buy a kebab.
• Going out to see friends as “NEEDS A BREAK!”

I had a chat with him yesterday. He seemed a bit angry with me and I wanted to check that it wasn’t to do with the situation I have found myself in or what his father might have said to him. “No, mum, not at all, I’m not angry with you about anything”. “Oh that’s good then, so it’s just the usual ‘everything-my-mum-says-is-wrong-and-really annoying-because-I’m-a-teenager’ sort of angry then?” “Pretty much”, he said.

Thankfully he’s delayed the disco he was organising for Friday night for my daughter’s age group. He had only sold 11 tickets and I was getting very worried about it. Of course he ignored my advice not to do it during the Easter holidays, but he won’t remember that bit. He’s rearranged it for 1st May. I’ve told him that’s a rubbish date too. He’s ignoring that as well.

He actually brought some mates round the other day. They’re all lovely, big, gorgeous things. What do you do though when they then ask you to buy them some cans of cider (2 each) for their party? There is the possibility that they are going to find a way to take alcohol and possibly steal a bottle of vodka (like my friend’s son) if I don’t buy it for them. Is it illegal for me to buy them alcohol? If I buy it and they all have permission from their parents to drink it, is that OK?

13 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER

Gorgeous. Shopping every day with no money. We went in to Oxford Street yesterday and suddenly she started jumping up and down with excitement and made me run to catch up with one of the twins from “Skins”. She was actually hyper-ventilating. Now that I’m a sad grown-up and doing it for my children, I had no qualms about following her into a shop and then asking for her autograph. I told her that she was causing untold problems in my house and she said “god, I couldn’t possibly watch the programme with my parents”….

8 YEAR OLD SON

He asked me this morning if I would have another baby. He really wants a little brother. “Can you just have a baby by yourself”, he asked, “by just taking a vitamin pill?”.

He cooked our evening meal yesterday. Salmon with pesto, rice and a tomato “jus” thingy. Unbelievable. He made up the sauce. Chopped onions, added a tin of tomatoes, put various other things in like Hoisin Sauce which meant it was fairly revolting, but never mind. It tasted delicious to me because I didn’t have to cook it myself.

It’s his dad’s birthday soon. He’s told me that he’s going to buy him two chickens to keep in his garden and a poached egg pan. He said “I’m going to buy the chicks from the pharmacy” – “FARM” YOU IDIOT, NOT PHARMACY” shouts my daughter at him. I wonder if it’s time we took an educational trip in to the country.