More than 300,000 people will divorce this year, costing an average of £28,000 per couple, according to a recent article in The Observer (more to the point that is 150,000 newly single men….where are they?)
That is a lot of money to spend on a divorce and there is an obvious appeal to the idea of representing yourself. My husband was very keen that we avoid the use of lawyers and I considered it. Having taken the advice of a female lawyer friend of mine, I decided to get a lawyer and I’m very pleased I did. In general women come off worse when they try to save money by conducting DIY divorces. Had I agreed to my husband’s financial proposal I would have been far worse off .
Heather Mills has just increased the profile of the DIY Divorce, but having spoken recently to a lawyer who was working on her case, his view was that although she ranted that she saved £600,000 by dropping Mishchon de Reya, it would have been likely that she would have ended up with somewhere closer to £40m had she kept them on.
I was going to go for mediation or a collaborative approach to the divorce, but my lawyer and a lawyer friend of mine advised against it. I went to a very well-known law firm in London and was terrified by the Rottweiler female that I met. I chose instead a local family lawyer who had children of her own and worked from home.
I would have been terrified to represent myself, but if I had thought that anybody in the courtroom would have been remotely interested by what I had to say I would have done it. I wanted to get some public acknowledgement for what I had suffered, but time and time again my lawyer had to gently remind me that it was not about the affair, or who said/did what to who. All they were interested in was the children. At the time this incensed me. But now, I can see that it is the only fair way to do it. After all we all know that there a three sides to every story (his, hers and the truth).
According to a senior partner at Family Law in Partnership more than 70% of estranged husbands and wives will soon attempt to come to a financial settlement without the aid of a solicitor.
Well, take heed. Great if you don’t have to employ anyone, but not having a solicitor to represent you is not always the best way. Especially as a woman.
- Even though it seems expensive, you are allocating a division of the overall assets and maintenance, so take a long term view.
- Look at mediation if you are comfortable with the thought that the mediators cannot offer you legal advice.
- Look at the new Collaborative approach if you are comfortable with the idea of sitting across the table from your estranged partner.
- If you feel you might be bullied into accepting a deal that may not be the best, then look for a lawyer you are comfortable with. Ask around. Your friends might know someone who knows someone…
- Be aware the when it comes to dividing the assets all is fair in love and war…it can get messy and it can get dirty. Be prepared. Be aware that it might have to be a lawyer that helps you find those hidden assets and siphoned funds. You will not expect that or find them on your own necessarily.
- Don’t forget that employing a lawyer doesn’t mean having to go to court. You can still avoid court. We did.
March 24th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Very educational post. Hope your ankle’s getting better.
March 25th, 2008 at 12:59 am
Good advice. To be honest I wish my dad had got a better lawyer, it would have saved him running in and out of court for 8 years on a custody battle with my mum. He landed in so much debt through solicitors and courts fees that I think he’s still suffering financially from it. Eventually I took it in to my own hands and moved in with him. Sad, but if my mum had been more reasonable with the custody arrangements and kept to the agreements then I might have stayed living with her.
March 25th, 2008 at 5:59 am
I believe that you’re safer with a lawyer. One example was dividing up the furniture etc, witnessed by friends. I was supposed to pay up about 5 times the amount that my lawyer settled on when she found out, much to her horror, what I’d done.
As it wasn’t a legal document she tore it up and said THIS is how much you’ll him for the furniture left behind.
You may end up paying more than you hope to – but at least it’s all above board and legal.
March 25th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
That just goes to show how much it is all about the children with your comments Clare (btw – I can’t get on to your blog – do you have one?) – how sad for your mother, but you can’t put people through custody battles, it’s horrific.
Yes I agree Zoe, stick to the lawyers – as you say, at least you can go back to it if necessary x
March 26th, 2008 at 9:24 am
Hello. I’m just taking a peek around your blog. Legal advice on divorces is essential. Heather Mills should have kept hold of her lawyers.
Marriage is a major contract – though we don’t like to think of it that way at the start. Getting out of any contract isn’t straightforward. It would be bad enough to feel resentful of the marriage breakdown without having to feel bad about getting a bum deal at the end of it.