Family Affairs

My friends were completely divided on whether I should take up Walt Disney World’s kind offer of an all expense paid trip to Orlando or not. One group were of the opinion that, because I have stated in the past that I would rather stick pins in my eyes than go to a theme park, I would hate it so much I’d have to come back early. The other school of thought was that it was a great opportunity for a multitude of reasons, mainly I suspect because it would give them all a chance to have a break from counselling me through my latest ghastly personal scenario.

I was last at a Disney resort ©1900 and only remember “It’s A Bloody Small World”. I seem to recall that my mother was ill in bed and my father put me on one of those boats that took you around the “Small World” exhibit and then went off in search of a beer. Three hours later he still hadn’t found one. “It’s A Small World” has now become an iconic symbol of the Disney theme park because it was the first ride that started the whole thing off after Walt was asked to provide an exhibit for a World Trade Fair. It represents the spirit of international unity with the theme song focusing on global peace. That is all well and good, but it is still an atrocious song that sticks in your head, rather like dog poo sticks to your shoe and the dolls all still look like something out of a horror movie:-

However, I am relieved to report that (apart from “It’s A Small World”) Disney theme parks have dramatically changed since I was last there. Yes, there are still a few super-sized people eating buckets of ice cream with a spade (I kid you not – they cost $10 each). But there no longer seems to be the tidal wave of blubber there once was. The parks now offer a fantastic array of food, some seriously good restaurants and healthy options galore.

There are still the obsessive Disney fans:-

and the “just marrieds” who might have been taken to their ceremony in Cinderella’s carriage:-

and the “honeymooners” who wander around the theme park all day long wearing Mickey Mouse ears and a veil on their heads:-

“Magic Kingdom” was my least favourite of the four parks. This is primarily because it represents Disney’s fearsome global reputation in all it’s pink and fluffy glory. If it’s the Disney characters you’re after, this is the place. Every night Cinderella’s Castle is illuminated by a stunning display of fireworks, the “Wishes Nighttime Spectacular” where all your dreams can come true. My fellow bloggers were all moved by the experience, whereas I on the other hand felt as if I was watching money literally go up in smoke. I have always had a problem with fireworks. Gorgeous and twinkly as they are I can’t help but feel that building a bonfire of $50 bills and watching the flames would have pretty much the same effect. Especially in this current global financial crisis. I would like to see Disney taking a more responsible view and suggesting that owing to the credit crunch (of which they are clearly not immune) the fireworks will only be on every other night, or twice a week and with the money they save (I would hazard a guess at approximately £10k per night) they will make a donation to various children’s charities around the world instead. I think that might help ease their reputation for blatant profligate capitalism.

Having said all that, I did enjoy the street parades, (once I’d allowed my good old British cynicism to crack) because everywhere I looked there were people dancing and singing. I loved the fact that there were grandparents, parents and children all out together, just having a really good time:-

and the night time “SpectroMagic Parade” was all twinkly and sparkly:-

I have become an expert on Disney facts: the number of theme parks (4), the size of the resort (47 square miles), other recreational options, the number of hotels, prices, budget options, sizes of rooms, dining plans, facilities, new rides, getting in free on your Birthday and so on. Let me know if you want any of my new found wisdom or better still check out the details listed by all the gorgeous “mummy bloggers” I went with who will no doubt tell you far more about all sorts of things:-

Little Mummy
English Mum
Exmoor Jane
Are We Nearly There Yet Mummy
Got Our Hands Full
Dulwich Divorcee

In the meantime all I am going to do is very quietly admit to almost becoming a convert. I would definitely go back with my children and ideally I would hope that we could do a multi-generational trip and go with my parents and my brothers and their wives and children as there was definitely something for everyone (although still no beer for my father in the Magic Kingdom).

If we won the lottery I would stay at The Grand Floridian:-

and I’d lie on this beach all week and refuse to do anything else:-

Although my children would prefer to stay at the wonderful Animal Kingdom Lodge:-

and observe the giraffes from their bedroom.

I would take them to “Epcot”, the second park and go on a ride called “Soarin”” which made me feel as if I could fly and I would take them to talk to Crush the cool dude turtle from “Finding Nemo”.

I would take them to the “Animal Kingdom” where we went on Safari and obviously to the water parks because they’d love both.

I would go with them on “Expedition Everest”, the latest rollercoaster ride which goes forwards and backwards because I have discovered that I don’t hate rides as much as I thought I did, I would go on the Dinosaur ride because that was brilliant and the “Toy Story” ride (there’s going to be a “Toy Story 3″ Hooray!) and the “Splash Mountain” ride and the “Buzz Lightyear” ride and “Peter Pan’s flight” and “Finding Nemo” show and the 3D “It’s Tough To Be A Bug” show and “Muppet Show” and, and, and, because I haven’t scared myself shitless or laughed so much in ages.

I would go back again because when the sun is shining and you are surrounded by happy, giggling children or screaming at the top of your voice on a ride or watching somebody else get a kick out of it all, then just for a moment, nothing else matters. This is pure unadulterated make-no-apologies luxury enjoyment.

Something we all could do with a little of right now.