I am visiting my mother for the weekend…and my 99 year old grandmother who is remarkably astonishing really. Just SO OLD. I’ve just been sitting by the side of her bed. Watching her face. Watching her breathe. Smiling at her when she opens her eyes. She was quite chatty. Asked me how I was going to get there. I don’t bother to ask her “where?” anymore, just shrug and say “I haven’t decided yet – what do you think?” and then she asked me if I was going to swim there and I said “yup” that would be the best way to get there….swim. Hope I’ve not suddenly signed up to an Atlantic crossing sort of swim. I wonder what is going through her mind.

She is so frail now it’s ridiculous – you almost can’t quite work out how a body can still function just below all that papery thin skin and a few prominent tendons and muscles. Anyway, she was smiling and peaceful and she could see us and what more could you ask for in one so old and confused?

The weather is gorgeous here today – I went to see the cathedral yesterday – brilliantly blue sky. Will show you photos later. Feeling surprisingly miserable given that seeing my Grandmother should prompt a “life is too short” sort of moment…but it’s sad to see her like that and I’m already missing my children. I should probably have made an effort to go and do something different myself for the whole week. However, I will no doubt be fine when I’m back at work tomorrow. Won’t be thinking about them so much.

I’m writing this on my father’s computer. At his desk. It’s still full of his stuff.

Sad.

Going to get some fresh air. Don’t want to feel miserable.

Sorry….

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  1. Funny time of the year, seems to demand self reflection and sadness. Fresh air is good.

  2. Lori Hamilton on

    Very sweet and real thoughts. Thanks for sharing them.

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