Should I get a divorce is apparently spiking as a search trend just a few days after Christmas. Which is generally always the case – “Divorce Day” is notoriously the first working day of January. However, as a divorcee myself, I would suggest you sit tight and wait until you’ve failed at all your New Year’s resolutions before deciding if all is lost or not.
I’m not saying that you should stay in a marriage that makes you miserable, I’m just saying please think very carefully. If your partner has done something terrible, that is another matter, but if you mainly feel a heightened sense of dislike for them and a panic about what your future looks like, then at least wait until your house has returned to normal and the memories of the Christmas disaster have faded.
Christmas is a horribly stressful time that we have all been brainwashed into thinking is magical and it’s time we threw a little bit more reality into the mix. At some point over the Christmas period (if not all of it) you will no doubt experience negative feelings towards your partner and your children. You have to hang out with their extended family and do Christmas all the wrong way. One of the hardest things is trying to merge into another families Christmas when your own time honoured routines are being ignored. You have to be jolly and look pleased when you get a mountain of shit presents you can’t even take back because they were bought in some shop outlet or other, who were only selling the shit nobody else wanted in the first place and there are no refunds allowed, or even if you can take it back it’s only to exchange for some other shit anyway.
It is of course the time that we spend taking stock of our life and attempting to wipe the slate clean for the new year, but don’t use it as the final straw – it’s a pressured time and should you decide to leave your partner, then next year your Christmas could be even more stressful as you battle over shared ownership, friends, finances and possibly spending time with the children and you might well end up spending Christmas with even less anchors and more misery than before. A single parent Christmas is very hard to manage and it takes a lot of practice to get to a place where not having your children over the whole Xmas period is acceptable. If there are other partners involved, then it’s even more messy.
So do take a few deep breaths and write down your pros and cons and remember that Christmas is overly romanticised and the fact that we are all in a bit of a state post Christmas is perfectly normal. Once you call in the lawyers, it becomes a very expensive game. So do some proper research and find out what realistically is likely to happen and then, if you decide to go ahead, try your hardest to have a reasonable and fair separation with the person you once cared deeply about.
Good luck x