There’s a new study out linking the number of partners an adult has to their mother’s romantic history and The Times has titled the findings “Unlucky in love? It’s all your mother’s fault.” Apparently if you can’t hold down a steady relationship, maybe it’s time to blame your mother if […]
Posted by Family Affairs on 29-07-2013 in BLOG tagged with Blogging / Children / london / mothers / mummy bloggers / parenting Posted by Family Affairs on 10-03-2013 in BLOG tagged with breakfast in bed / day / happy / KIDS / Love / mothers
So, what does it mean to be a mother?
When they were younger, it was the hardest job in the world. I put a lot of effort and energy into their development (short of sitting on the floor building lego castles and hanging around in playgrounds). Not really sure what that effort did specifically entail, but as any SAHM knows, they managed to fill up our time very successfully. Suddenly they day had disappeared, their father was coming home and I was exhausted.
Getting through those early years was tough. Any of you going through that bit now should really listen to those older women who say the time disappears in a flash – because it’s true. It does. I still hold my childrens hand sometimes, when no one they know is looking but now it’s my hand that is the smallest in the family and that feels strange.
I still have a 12 year old boy, so my child rearing years have not disappeared completely yet, but trust me, if you do one thing to make the time with your children easier – remember to enjoy it. It goes SO fast, it’s ridiculous. Especially if somewhere in the middle there you have to go through divorce – I weep sometimes for the bits I missed during that time.
Anyway, the upside of divorce is that my children have always had to step up for birthday’s, Christmas, Mother’s Day and do stuff for themselves. No more spectacularly is it done than by my immensely thoughtful youngest son. He actually took me out for dinner last night – to Wagamama’s! Paid for my main course. How lovely is that? (even if my wine cost more than my main course). We had a lovely evening and this morning…
LOOK what he made me for breakfast this morning – IN BED!! With the most gorgeous, heartfelt, handwritten letter:-
That boy is going to go far. If nothing else, he will make the most amazing partner to somebody very lucky.
My firstborn sent me a lovely card, thanking me for everything I have done for him and daughter has bought me some flowers and given me her usual voucher for coffee at The Wolsely.
I am to be Queen for a day. Yay.
Those of us who are lucky enough to be mothers have the most difficult and best job in the world.
I wrote last week about how quiet my house it when they are away:-
Everything was in the same place that I left it
The house was clean and tidy
There was food in the fridge
I had mountains of milk
There were no arguments
It was eerily quiet
My mascara was where I left it
My Top Shop jumper was where I left it
I could find my Ugg boots
There was no mess in the kitchen and no tea bags in the sink
The lights were all off when I get home
The TV was silent
All the beds were made
It all felt empty and sad.
I am supremely grateful for the messy life that they give me – for the arguments and the noise and the missing mascara and the stress and the lack of clothes and the cold feet (missing Uggs)….because one day, my job will be over and they will flee the nest and then I am going to have to find a way to either replicate the noise or get used to the silence – perhaps I will rent my house out to flash mobs or circus troops or maybe a zoo, because the silence will be deafening and life will be too ordered and I am not ready for that.
I wouldn’t change what we’ve got for the world.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO YOU ALL AND OF COURSE A HUGE THANK YOU TO MY OWN MOTHER FOR BEING THE BEST MOTHER EVER IN THE WORLD!! Separate post to come about that….
Posted by Family Affairs on 19-09-2012 in BLOG / DIVORCE tagged with DIVORCE / mothers / Nigella Lawson / parenting Posted by Family Affairs on 03-02-2012 in BLOG / TRAVEL tagged with Cambodia / concern / Gap year / Japanese encephalitis / mothers / safety / SEA / teenagers / travelling
I’m in the process of setting up a new campaign and already have several new recruits – MAGY’S = “Mothers Against Gap Year’s”. It’s all too much – we are not coping well.
My soon-to-be-travelling-to-the-end-of-the-world son is sitting behind me filling in a Visa application to Cambodia (and farting). He is off to various embassies today and to get his Japanese Encephalitis jab (I still don’t know what that is but it better be worth it because it’s costing me somewhere in the region of £78 and that’s on top of £150 for a rabies jab…).
I’ve been relatively calm up until now, because of course it’s a good thing that he’s off to spread his wings a little. Flee the nest for a minute. I know SEA really well – I couldn’t love it more. I have never felt safer. However putting myself into the mind and body of a 19 year old boy with 6 mates is an entirely different matter. Their brains function differently. They’re not sensible. Now that I’m getting a little more involved in the detail I’ve noticed my stress levels rising. My friends aren’t helping – mothers of two other boys who are going with him – they are not only far more hands on than me but are beginning to freaking me out about things like losing visas and border controls.
Here is an email my friend sent me yesterday:-
“After being very laid back about their forthcoming trip – am now feeling completely sick about the whole thing!! Was online last night checking he’d got the right info re visas etc and went on a few sites about safety, crime rates, healthcare, emergency services or lack of them!! Also read a few students real life experiences and freaked myself out. Anyway obviously haven’t slept a wink and now becoming completely paranoid so Catholic priest booked in for major blessing plus have asked a girl who has recently come back from travelling to meet up with them to chat about her experiences of travelling through Asia. She’s back from uni for a few days so thought it might be a good idea to get the boys together with her for a drink. I know my son won’t be impressed that I’m now interfering but his whole approach so far seems very naive and vague. Nowhere in Asia seems particularly great for blonde English teenage youths but Cambodia – well certain parts – sounds really scary.
Sorry don’t want to make you nervous and I’m sure they’ll be fine but I think the reality of them being away for a long period of time in strange lands is just hitting home!”
FFS – the bloody rubber ring thing in Laos!! Shall we just follow them in disguise? I think I can get my mother to come for 4 months. Should be fine. Would be good to get together. Maybe we could also find somebody who looks awful who spent some time in a Thai prison to come to the pub for a drink too? Just to put them off? Know anyone?
Yes any deterrent is a good idea – this weekend I’m planning to run continuous showings of Apocalypse Now, The Deerhunter and The King of Siam – that should be enough to put anyone off!! Be good to meet up soon.
“Don’t forget “Midnight Express” – that’s the best one!! Must order it on Amazon now.
Anyway. You see how easy it is to whip yourself up into a frenzy of total panic. At this rate I’ll be at the airport refusing to let go of his leg and shouting at all the security men to stop him.
I wonder if this is because he’s my firstborn and it’s all new. Another phase in his life that I want to be involved in, take an interest in. Like all the 85,000 photos I took of him when he was born, started crawling, walking, swimming, going to school – as if he was the first child to ever do all that stuff. Isn’t it incredible how much information you can absorb at each stage – I was so knowledgeable on breast Vs bottle feeding and prams and primary schools and contagious water born diseases you can catch in swimming pools. I’ve got notes on his growth, his first words, I’ve even got a little box of his teeth. Surprised I haven’t got test tubes full of poo samples to be honest.
I wonder how much that level of focus from a parent affects the child long term and whether it’s therefore a good or bad thing that my third child is going to have an entirely different experience. He is at the opposite end of the spectrum and is convinced that there isn’t one photo of him growing up and to be honest, although I try to convince him otherwise, I haven’t found it yet. I have no memory of his first words, no photo album of his first year, no little umbilical cord clips (yuk) and no box of teeny weeny teeth. In fact, I am ashamed to admit that once, when I managed to lose his tooth before it went under his pillow for the tooth fairy I “borrowed” one from my little box that belonged to his older brother – but it was a little brittle and the wrong colour and he wasn’t really convinced.
Does this mean I’ll be far more chilled when it comes to his travels? Maybe I won’t even notice he’s gone….Unlikely. He’s my last child. He gets just the same amount of love from me, but in a different way. Must ask him about it all though and maybe try harder in future – wonder if he will want me to come with him to the hairdressers and save some locks of hair and other such stuff….
Posted by Family Affairs on 01-06-2008 in BLOG tagged with mothers
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